Ch 47. Mirror

John walked into the office the next morning with an aching head and a dry mouth. Andressa had been nice enough to let him sleep in, but the extra sleep had only helped the hangover a little as he pushed his way inside. Andressa was smiling at him as he entered.

“Having a little trouble this morning?” she asked.

“Not at all. I could do a tap dancing routine if I wanted to.”

She stood up and they shared a quick kiss, but she stopped him before he walked into his office.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Your first patient is already in there.”

He blinked and looked outside for a moment to make sure that it was still early morning before looking back to her. “Did we start scheduling them this early?”

She shook her head wearing a smile that was nearly a laugh. “No. It’s a doppelganger pretending to be you, is all.”

He blinked at her. “Seriously?”

“Yes, he came in about fifteen minutes ago. He was doing a pretty good job at your mannerisms.”

“How could you tell he was a doppelganger?”

“He doesn’t taste the same as you.”

John raised an eyebrow.

She smirked. “Your anxiety. Everyone’s tastes a little different. Yours is sweet and savory. Like pretzels covered in chocolate. In case you were curious.”

He had been about to ask.

He sighed. “I guess I’ll have to go in there without any coffee.”

Andressa smiled and lifted a still steaming cup to him with her tail.

He took it, getting a little jolt to his spine when her skin brushed against his.

“Thank you.”

“I figured you’d need a bit of fortification between last night and this situation.”

He took a long sip, savoring it. “How are Grim and Beelz? Heard from them at all?”

“They’re fine. Spending some time in the Orc district, partying with a warchief they met while they were out clubbing last night.” She shook her head. “Grim’s going to have him eating out of the palm of his hand by the end of the day.”

He took another long sip of his coffee.

“Alright, I’m heading in.”

“Good luck.”

“It’s only me, I think I can handle it,” he said, winking as he walked into his office.

“Good morning,” said his form and voice from behind his desk. He stood and walked around the desk holding out his hand to shake.

“Good morning,” replied John, holding out a hand to shake his grip was firm, but not too firm. Exactly as it should be.

The doppelganger gestured to the couch shooting John one his own disarming smiles. “Please have a seat, can I get you some tea?”

“I’m alright, but thank you.”

The doppelganger nodded with a smile, grabbed one of his notebooks, and sat down.

John took a good look at himself. Was the doppelganger taller than he was or was that just an illusion? The doppelganger wasn’t wearing the same suit he had on at that moment, but instead one from several days ago. He wasn’t certain of exactly how they operated, but that probably meant that he’d copied his look then. The doppelganger sat with his notebooks and John wondered if he always sat hunched over like that.

“So, what is it you wanted to discuss today?” asked the doppelganger. “You were a bit of a last minute appointment, so I’m afraid I didn’t get many details from my secretary.”

John smiled at that and leaned back on the couch.

“What do you think I’m here for?”

“Hmmm,” said the fake leaning back in the chair. “Perhaps avoidance if that’s how you respond to the question.”

“Could be,” responded John with a smile.

“No. I think it’s something a bit deeper than that,” said his spitting image with a frown. “This suit. You wear some variation of this every day? Style your hair like that? Follow the same routines.”

“For the most part,” replied John.

“It seems to me that you’re afraid of change. You’re too set in your routines. My guess is that it’s affected your personal relationships negatively. We need to look at what is making you focus on those routines. Is it your displacement from your original world perhaps? Or something else.”

John smiled. “And what would you recommend?”

“We’ll start small. Maybe wearing a color other than green? Taking different routes to the office? Trying to do something new every single day, be it a food, or a hobby. Finally, I think a vacation would be good. Something to take you out of your comfort zone.”

John nodded along as the copy spoke. It was good advice, but he wondered if he was always so quick to offer solutions rather than working with the client. Maybe it was just Avalon’s fast-paced nature, but it was something he’d need to work on.

He’d already come to all of the conclusions that he was giving himself here of course. That had been the sum of everything he’d needed to work on summarized nicely and neatly. Where had the doppelganger been last year when he could’ve put this advice to use more quickly? Then again, he may not have been as willing to humor him a year ago.

“Very good,” said John with a light clap. “Great advice overall. You didn’t see any of my patients, but if you had I don’t think you would’ve done any terrible damage to them.” He stood up and straightened his suit before gesturing to the couch. “Your turn.”

He smiled at himself and they swapped seats, perfectly mirroring one another as they dodged each other and sat down.

“So,” started John, smirking a bit as he saw stick figure doodles all across the page the doppelganger had been holding. “What are you here for?” he asked.

“I’m a little embarrassed by it,” the copy replied in his voice.

“Is that why we had to do this whole song and dance?” asked John.

“Well, I’m a fey. I’m a bit ashamed of coming here for help, but if I disguise it as mischief then that makes things a bit easier for me.”

“Whatever makes you more comfortable,” said John. “It was a good experience to be on the couch for a change. Much softer than the chair.”

The duplicate chuckled.

“So, let’s get into it. You’ve established your cover as a mischievous fey so you should be in the clear.”

He nodded, but hesitated for just a moment. “It’s a bit of a cliche.”

“Impostor syndrome?” asked John.

“Kind of. I just… I’m worried that I’m not real.”

John took a note between stick figures, but waited for him to continue.

“I spend all of my time as other people. Sometimes for fun, sometimes for work. I spend almost all of my time as other people. When I go to back to the feylands I take my usual shape, but I still feel like I’m pretending to be someone else.”

“It makes sense,” replied John. “You spend that much time as other people and you start to lose yourself a bit.”

“Yeah, but it’s not just that. I realized that even the parts of me I thought were unique, I just took from people I’ve copied before. I speak with the voice of an orcish guard I copied a few hundred years ago. I smile with just the left side of my mouth like an elven courtesan I mirrored once. I say big stretch whenever I see any four-legged animal stretch because of a human woman I spent a summer as while she was held captive by the Summer Court.” He sighed. “It feels like I’m a collage. An amalgam of other people, but not a person myself. It’s gotten to be almost easier to be in other people’s forms than my own because of how fake I feel when I can trace each of my mannerisms to someone else.”

John nodded, tapping his pen against his chin for a moment. “You know, humans often have that same problem as well.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve met many people that feel like all they ever did was steal traits and mannerisms from the people around them to become who they were. I think it’s kind of a beautiful thing though. I’ve got my father’s laugh, I raise my eyebrow like my mother, and I have my grandpa’s long gait. In your case you took the traits from people you copied, but I actually think that’s very interesting. Everyone takes a bit of their work home with them, but you took a piece of a person with you. You may not have any specifically unique traits, but you yourself are unique for their combination.”

The changeling looked at him with his own face and contemplated what he’d said.

“I’d never thought about it like that. It doesn’t really feel the same as being actually unique though. As really existing.”

John nodded. “I understand. I don’t expect just one insight to completely change your life…. You’ll probably have to sneak in a few more times. As long as you think I can help you.”

He nodded. “I do, actually. Even just talking makes me feel a bit better about it.”

“Good. Now you mentioned earlier that you needed an excuse to come here. Are you concerned your friends wouldn’t be accepting of you seeking out help? Or is it a necessity for your job with the fey?”

John wasn’t sure how much longer he had until his scheduled first patient of the day showed up, but he wanted to cover as much as he could.