I woke up sluggish after an amazing night's sleep; I had not felt so rested since before my mom had gotten sick. I did not realize it had been so long. I had a slight headache from crying last night, but I felt it was therapeutic and needed; luckily, no hangover. I felt hot in the sense of leaving the electric blanket on all night and slowly cooking for myself. I also had an intense urge to get to the bathroom, and fast! I realized Matt's arms were still around me as though he hadn't let go the entire night. His body was the big spoon to my little spoon, and his breath would tickle my neck on every exhale. It felt so peaceful and safe, but my bladder screamed at me, and I had to get up soon.
I tried lifting his arm, but he only curled around me tighter. My next option was to push back so he would hopefully turn onto his back. I pushed back and I could feel a specific part of him was definitely wide awake. "If you need a little TLC, sweetheart, all you have to do is ask." He spoke in my ear. My face was so red at this point it would look like a fire hydrant. How the heck was that so big?
"I really need to get up, please." He lifted his arm, and I scooted out. I realized somewhere along the evening he had wormed his way under my blanket. I wasn't going to make a big deal about it now, though I had more pressing matters to attend to.
I dashed as quickly as possible to the en suite bathroom, faster than an Olympian on race day, locked the door shut, turned the tap on to cover any noise, and took care of business. The relief felt amazing; I washed my hands and made my way back to the room.
He still lay in the bed exactly where I had left him. He lifted the cover for me to climb back in and smiled sweetly. "Room for one more?" he questioned. I don't know why I did it, but I climbed back in with him, snuggling up close, face to face, as I used his arm as a pillow. After knowing we had spent the evening that way, it was easier to just accept it at face value. I was attracted to him, and he was attracted to me; we were two strangers getting to know each other, and nothing sexual had happened!
We faced each other, calmly breathing while my heart hammered on. "You know I don't think I have ever slept so well in my life. I think it's also the only time I have ever just cuddled with a girl in bed with nothing sexual happening." I looked at him with my eyebrow raised.
"I take it there has been a lot of the sexual part happening?" I questioned.
"Not as much as you would think, sweetheart. It just happened at college, and I went a little crazy at first, sort of using it to deal with everything I felt. It was the first time away from home without being under my father's and Claire's control, and I snapped. The freedom got to me, nothing hindering me, and it made me feel like for the first time I had actual control over my life. It's not an excuse; it's just how it played out. Too much opportunity, not enough self-awareness, I guess. You had to have felt some of the same when you went to college, right? His eyes peered into mine, waiting for me to answer.
"Not really or at all, to be honest. I haven't found anyone I wanted to move on to that level in a relationship with yet. There is only ever one first time, and it's something I want to remember and treasure; it may be cheesy, but it's something that was taken from my mom, so I honestly want to wait until I find the right person. Too many girls I knew regretted what they had lost afterward; I just don't want to be in that same boat." His jaw hung open, a myriad of expressions passing across his face as he continued to stare at me, like I was weird or something.
"You're a virgin?" He asked skeptically.
"Yip, and don't try to convince me now's the time to cash in the VCard. It's not happening with a guy I just met, I know very little about, and who isn't in it for the long haul." I knew what I wanted in life, and there was nothing wrong with that. "And stop staring at me like I'm something that needs to be fixed. " Guys flirted in high school and college with me; I wasn't oblivious to their attention. They just always gave me the 'sowing wild oats vibe,' and I wanted more than that. I wanted forever.
I wasn't going to be a notch on a guy's bedpost or belt strap, and I was not into the one-and-done concept. I wanted love, the forever kind. Sex to me was something special, and my virginity was meant for someone who would cherish it and understand the value of it. Did that make me picky? Probably. Did I care what others thought about me because of that? Not in the slightest. I just chose to view it as I had high standards and high value in myself. Mom always drilled it into me that I should never compromise my beliefs and values to fit in. She let me know that those were core to who I was, and dropping those standards compromised everything that was special about me. It was difficult to think of that now, without her here.
Nikki was one of those friends I spoke about; she regretted her first time. She cried on my shoulder when Greg told everyone he had deflowered his past conquest, meaning her, and gave her a solid 7/10; she could improve if she were willing to explore a little more and he was ready to move on to his next victim. She felt humiliated with the way he carelessly treated her heart, and that obviously meant more to her than it did to him.
I got him back well, though. Itchy powder in his locker during gym, glitter in his car air vents—the dumb ass never locked his car and always parked just out of distance of the school cameras so he could get a quick hookup in here and there. So he was fair game to me; all's fair in love and war, and my best friend deserved better. I also messed with his tape deck (who even has those anymore), jammed a tape in there good and proper, put the volume on high, and stole the adjuster knob. To say he climbed in his car and started it up had pink and purple glitter spray out the air vents with the air conditioner on full blast to the soundtrack of Aqua's Barbie Girl blaring, in front of the entire cheerleading squad and all over Jenny Harris in the passenger seat. Genius! The ads in the city paper didn't help much for his reputation either. "Just legal, a teen seeking the company of a daddy figure to help punish me for my wrong deeds; I'm a naughty boy." I believed he had to change his number, as 4 months in and he still received calls. It went down in the history books of best pranks, and I think glitter still sprayed out of the vents at random until he got rid of the car and took the tape deck out that same day and rather went without it.
They never found the prankster.
I was not the only one who targeted him; a few of the other girls on his score chart had big brothers, and big brothers made sure he got the picture very quickly. I heard he started treating girls a lot better afterwards; the fear of consequence had made him think twice. I still believe my small acts of revenge had made a difference; they at least made Nikki smile for the first time in a month, so it was a win for me.
Last I heard he had found someone to settle down with; they got married recently, and they were expecting their first kid in a few months. It's a girl. I hear his regret for what he did began eating at him, and he personally called every person he had hurt and apologized. I'm all for rehabilitation and turning a new leaf.
"I meant what I asked you last night; I'm dead sober. So marry me?" He repeated his question, looking me straight in the eyes.