The guys left a little over an hour ago to go get a fresh change of clothes and shower. I sat on the couch Matt was supposed to have slept on with Nikki as she twirled her ring around her finger, subconsciously deep in thought. I will give it to Nate; he bought a beautiful ring for her.
"I am so screwed!" She finally breathed out. "What am I going to tell my family?" She looked at me with pleading eyes. "You know my dad will freak out! My mom will probably start planning to do it properly; people will think I'm pregnant and rushing things because I got knocked up. I don't even know what my new last name is. Did I take his last name? Is that something you decide during signing the marriage certificate? Or is that something that comes later? Where is the certificate? Maybe we didn't go through with it." She grabs her bag and starts going through it only to pull out the paper with 'Clark County, Nevada, Certified Abstract of Marriage' boldly typed across the top and both their full names depicted as clear as day with today's date. "I'm screwed." She rests her head in her hands.
I calmly take the paper from her and decide now's the time to play a little bit of Google stalking; we need to know the type of guy she married, and what better way than to snoop through his social media accounts? You could gain a lot of insight from those types of searches. I read the license name out, 'Nathaniel David Westman,' and I felt my heart clench. There is no possible way the world could be this freaking small. They were supposed to be living 5 states over from us. "Oh shit." I plopped down next to Nikki, the color now draining from my face.
She looked at me then and realized something bigger was happening than just an accidental marriage. "You look like you have seen a ghost. I'm supposed to be the one freaking out, not you." She said, like that would take away the panic I felt.
"You married my cousin, or at least I think he is my cousin." I looked at her with a fearful expression. She knew Mom had not wanted anything to do with her family and that there was a story behind it. The ball had dropped, and it was like a nuclear bomb. I started furiously googling my Uncle Derik; he was Mom's older brother. It popped up almost immediately: Derik James Westman married Elaina Westman... I browsed through Wiki, finding their children's names easily. Maverick Michael Westman, Justin Westman, and Nathaniel David Westman... each name I clicked on opened up so much, siblings. Sophia Townsend, I clicked on her link; children Chelsea Townsend and Alexis Townsend. I looked at the siblings tab again, and there was Caroline Juliet Westman (information unknown), my mother.
I looked at my bag and decided I needed answers desperately, and if ever there was a time to read Mom's letter, it was now! I tore through the envelope and carefully extracted the letter. Nikki sat next to me, her phone in her hand, going through everything I had just seen and staring at it horrified.
My Dearest Mckenna
I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am to be your mother. You have shone brightly from the day you were born, and the first time I held you, my world shifted and got a little smaller. There was only you, and you were beautiful and innocent. I knew I had to protect you at all costs. I would not let my family do to you what they had done to me.
I don't know who all was in on it or how it was all orchestrated, and I didn't take the time to try to find out. You need to know the danger associated with your grandmother and the Westman family.
When I turned 20, my mother, your grandmother, turned into a nightmare. She began pressuring me to marry and pressuring me to settle down and stop my obsession with writing. She encouraged me to find a man with money and make sure to win him over. She would invite strangers over and force me to sit next to them; she would encourage outings and recommend events we should attend together. It was awful. She had slowly started removing anything and everything that made life worth living away from me. She tried to mold me into the perfect wife and child breeder; I felt like a broodmare put out to the highest bidder. My dad never said anything and allowed it. Constantly throwing out nonsense like 'for the good of the company this' or 'for the good of the family that.'
By that time I was a rather accomplished writer, and they had no idea, and I never told them. I didn't want their greedy hands on things I had worked so hard to achieve. By now you know the extent of the fortune I amassed and just know those royalties will be paying for years to come.
On my 23rd birthday she threw a lavish party for me. Invited all the best people, meaning the wealthiest, most powerful, and most influential. It was time again for me to prance about as a show horse. "Smile at this joke, nod appropriately at that, and don't open your mouth and say anything. Men don't like women with brains," my mother would comment. As the night progressed, my mom made sure I always had a glass of champagne in my hand, encouraging me to finish every drop. Eventually she introduced me to your father.
He wasn't a bad person, or at least I hope he wasn't, but by then my mind was foggy, and I couldn't tell you what was up or what was down; something did not add up. I had been drugged, and there were only 2 people that handled anything I drank or ate that night: your gran and my sister, Sophia. The room was spinning furiously then, and I had excused myself and found my way back to my room and closed the door and locked it behind me.
That, however, did not stop my mom. I woke up the following morning in my bed with Daniel Elrich next to me, naked. I knew what had happened, and I could feel the slight ache from having lost my virtue, something I had held on to far longer than Sophia had. It was a gift for whoever I chose to marry. Something of me I would only be able to give once, and it had been stolen from me. I felt betrayed and humiliated and, at the same time, scared to death. What would my father and grandparents say?
After realizing what my mother had done, I made a decision then and there to leave home and never look back. I didn't want to know what lengths she and my father would go to in their quest for power and money, and I didn't want to be a part of it; I didn't want their greed corrupting and stripping me of my beliefs and values the way it had happened to Sophia.
Daniel was still passed out when I hurriedly packed my bags and left that day. I never knew then if he was a victim or part of the plot. I withdrew money from my accounts near home and cut my cards up. All except the ones in my alias for writing, I had gone across 2 states to open that account, and they knew nothing about it. I drove across three states, driving east as far as possible. I sold my car and took a bus. Crossed two more states and bought a car. I was paranoid knowing their money could reach many places and grease many palms.
I found out I was pregnant with you in the second month after I left. I was sad, overjoyed, horrified, scared, and alone. There were days I almost made the wrong decision and thought adoption may be the answer, but I couldn't bear to lose you or the thought of you getting hurt in someone's care the way I was. I tried to deny the pregnancy at first; I wasn't showing yet, but in the end I made peace with what had happened and understood you were a miracle, a bright light in a dark time.
I looked forward to holding you and would read to you in my stomach. During that time I made a point to change my name, I moved again, and I settled down. I had started feeling very lonely; I think it had been the pregnancy hormones playing on me, and I had emailed my grandmother. I wouldn't go back even though she asked; I would not let you get used to the way I had, and she understood.
My grandparents visited me just after you had been born, and I told her what had happened; they already had their suspicions based on what Daniel had shouted through the house that morning. They loved you at first sight, and their hearts broke for us. Grandfather told me that Daniel had also been drugged and was furious the next morning. He felt that my mother had purposely tried to trap him, which she did. He thought I had been part of it and vowed to have nothing to do with me. He never knew or even considered you would be a possibility from that one night.
He stopped all dealings with the family, and to say they took a rather large financial hit because of it while my dad was running the business was an understatement. It almost brought the family to financial ruin, and I heard someone matching my father's description had been asking about me around town. I moved and changed our names again. I had to cut off all ties with them for your safety. I even considered cutting ties with my grandparents so that there was no way to trace us, but I just couldn't do that to them; they were so full of love and kindness, and I wanted you to know there was good in our family.
My grandmother and grandfather had come from old money and had invested it wisely over the years; they were able to help make sure the family never went under. Part of the conditions were that my mother and father would forget I ever existed or all bets were off and they would recall every cent given to my parents. My parents agreed. The second condition was that my father step down and never have any dealings in the company while my grandfather was around; he would still receive his salary and would receive his profit on shares but nothing more.
My grandfather was a very strong-willed and clever man; he brought the company back to where it is today. Just after my grandmother met you, she set up a trust fund for you that paid out monthly to an account for us. I'm sure you have since learned of it. I never touched it. Not because of pride but because I had never needed it. I also didn't want to touch it in case the rest of the family could track me through it.
I heard Daniel fell in love with a lovely woman and married a few years after you were born; they are still together. They never had children; I'm not sure why, but I knew that if they found out about you, there was a possibility they would want to meet you and an even higher possibility if my mother found out that she would use you. So I ask your forgiveness in this; I stole your chance of having a proper relationship with him.
I know I have given you so much to think about, and I am sorry I never opened up about it. It was just too painful, and I didn't want to bring that darkness into our home. I don't know how much my father had to do with everything. I want to believe that he had nothing to do with it, but from what my grandmother confessed, he became a horrid person after I left and maybe even before, but I was too blind to see. My brother was the only one who seemed to hold any type of love for me. He was a good man, and last I heard, he still is. If you do meet him, tell him I love him, and if I could do things over, I would have tried to stay in touch with him.
This has been a hard fight for both of us, and I know I'm no longer there to comfort you through the hard part. It's time my battered body be put to rest, but I live on through you and the lifetime of memories we created. I won't be there for some big life moments, like the day you fall in love, get married, or even start the beautiful journey of having a family of your own. It breaks my heart.
Please remember, no matter what, you are my daughter; you are strong, and you can make it through anything.
Believe in yourself!
Find and fight for love!
Be willing to open up to it and take the risk of what could be. I was never strong enough after what happened, but love is something you have to work for, but when you find someone that wants to take that journey with you, hold on to it with both hands because it's beautiful.
Always love you
Mom.
I stared at the letter a few more minutes as fat tears rolled down my cheeks once again. They landed on the paper, causing the ink to blot. Nikki passed me tissues, and I blew my nose, sounding more like a goose than a person. I passed her the letter and told her to read it.
"What are you going to do? What do you want me to do?" Nikki asked hesitantly, having read everything. I didn't know, to be honest; I was so confused. Matt had seemed like an amazing person, but how did he fit into all of this? Heck, what was Nikki going to do? I mean she had signed on the dotted line alongside Nate. They were legally married. Annulment was out the window. They obviously had consummated their marriage based on the sounds coming out of Nikki's room last night.
She was very firmly against divorce. Having finished her undergrad this year as a social worker and seeing the damage done to a spouse by a divorce or death gave her a strong moral compass on it. The only time she would condone it and even encourage it was in instances of abuse.
I looked at her sternly and said the only thing that made sense: "You fight for love, or even the chance to love, and you don't let go. If you believe you can make this work and if there is even a small ember of the love I felt between you and Nate, you fan it till it burns strong and bright."