Chapter 16

Kenna 

The sun rises over the horizon, but I could barely tell the difference. Vegas was the place where the sun never set, and all the lights really made you lose track of time, track of days, and yourself. 3 days is all it took for everything to change, 3 days to turn my life upside down, and 3 days to know I had more people that cared for me than I realized. 

I sat on the balcony, a blanket draped over my shoulders, just processing, wondering what conversations still needed to come, what decisions needed to be made. Matt held me all night long after the last tear fell. I still can't believe how all the random connections came about. My dad, Matt, my grandfather, my cousins… It’s all so much. All so new. I feel overwhelmed at times, but then other times I remember my mom's words to me regarding my dad: “If you get the opportunity to meet him, go easy on him; give him a chance. "I want that; I also want him to give me a chance, a real chance. 

I turn my head towards the door as I hear it open. Matt walks out carrying 2 cups of coffee. “One moment," he says and runs back inside. He comes out with a big grin on his face and his hands behind his back. “To my beautiful wife on her 21st birthday." His hands come to the front, and he has a huge chocolate-frosted cupcake with a single candle in it. He lights it in front of me. "Make a wish, love.”

I cant help the smile; my cheeks actually hurt, here I thought today would be just me and Nikki, down depressed and just… Instead I have a husband, right here, creating a memory instead of drowning in history. I blow out the candle. My wish was simple: for peace, safety, and a thank you going up in between all of that for what I have found. He sits next to me smiling and pulls me closer so we're reclined with my back leaning against him while his arm circles my waist. "So..." he says, breaking the silence. “Uncle Dan has asked if you would mind having breakfast and spending some time with him this morning? No pressure. No audience. It’s entirely your decision. But, I think… if you are ready… it could be something good.” He says with his head on my shoulder

“I’m not going to lie, I’m scared. "I stare forward. "What if he is disappointed when he meets me? What if he doesn't like me? Or worse, what if he thinks I’m like the rest of my family?" I sigh. 

“I promise, he isn’t like that. He has always been fair and judged a person on their own merit and never judged people based on their relatives. Remember who my dad is? Case and point right there.” He gives me time to think, and I agree.

Daniel’s Room

I sit on the sofa, my coffee having gone cold hours ago. I have a child… though not so much a child, a young woman who is a part of me. I heard from Derik after they had discovered Carol left. God, his parents are a piece of work. He was not there that morning for the fallout; he was already married and out of the house with his wife and three boys, Nate a newborn at the time. They initially told him Carol was at friends' and would be home at the end of the week. It took him 2 months to learn what had happened. 

We had been friends for many years, and when he told me Carol had nothing to do with any of it, I believed him. He also told me she had not been seen since that evening and no one knew where she was. Initially I had tried to stay out of it. I knew she was probably just as hurt as I was; I felt terrible being her first, and neither of us had much of a recollection of it. I remember the smear of blood on the sheets that morning and the guilt after. I didn't want Derik to know I had not been strong enough to resist and hurt his baby sister. I felt disgusted with myself for that and had even had to talk to someone about it. 

At one time I had tried to help Derik hire someone to find her. I wanted to apologize and let her know it wasn't our fault. I wanted to help her because if her family could do this once, guaranteed they would do it again to her. After a while I even convinced myself it was better that she didn't come back because of how despicable her family had been. They had tried reaching out to me numerous times to make amends and at one stage even suggested I court their other daughter. I cut off all communication and filed a restraining order against them immediately and told them if they came near me again, I had a full toxicology report that I am sure the police would love to hear about. 

I sigh out loudly again and shake my head. "I have a daughter." I say the words again out loud, remembering every detail of her. Her eyes, her hair, the dimples. She was beautiful, just like her mother. Carol was a good person. Derik always brought her along, and I knew a bit about her, nose always in a book or pen and paper in hand, writing furiously. She was quiet and closed off. Derik told me how his parents treated her and how he was looking at having her move in with them; he had a small flat built that summer above the car park and had intended on asking her. With the baby at the time, things had gotten a little crazy, and he just forgot. The few times I had spoken to Carol, she always surprised me; she never wasted words and had a deep insight into the workings in her family. She struck me as someone who preferred that they forget about her, except Derik; she loved her brother. 

I picked up my phone and sent Matt a text. “Do you think MaKenna would join me this morning for breakfast and a chance to talk?” he responded almost immediately. He had always been an early riser; ranch life did that to you. The irony did not escape me; the kid I treated like a son his entire life, heck, wished I had as a son at times, had now become my son through marriage to a daughter I never knew existed. A chuckle escapes me as I read his reply. "Sure, Uncle Dan, I will check on Kenna and let you know. Oh, and something important: it's her birthday today; she turned 21.” I’m a little thrown off by that too; I missed 20 birthdays and finally get to meet her at 21.

Eleanor sits next to me on the couch; I can see she is worried about me. “How are you doing? Do you need someone to talk to?" She looks at me and smiles. "I have a daughter; she turned 21 today," I tell her. She smiles. “Well, now you know one more thing about her," she tells me. “You have a bonus daughter; I have a bonus son," I tell her like I have only thought about this now. She smiles patiently at me. “He is also your son-in-law, and I have a nephew who just became my son-in-law.” She laughs at this, shaking her head, curls bouncing around her. “Gemma, if she is looking down on us, she must be laughing her ass off right now. You know my sister had a sense of humor, and this would have been right up her alley." She smiles, shaking her head. 

“I asked Matt to see if she would have breakfast with me. I hope you don't mind? I wanted to minimize some of the pressure for her. " I look at her and explain. "That's perfectly fine and considerate. From what I understand, she found out about you yesterday too. So be patient, show her the real you, the man I love, and you will do just great.” She hugs me close, and I put my arms around her, resting my chin on her head and just taking a deep breath. 

I met Eleanor while in therapy. She was there to help with her grief, and I was there, I suppose, for the same thing, learning that not all people were good but not all people were bad. Grieving the loss of trust and the isolation I had surrounded myself with after everything that had happened. She was a bright point in a dark time for me. She helped me realize the guilt I had felt towards Carol was misplaced, that the only reason things had happened the way they did was because I had no control because of the drugs in my system. I was not to blame; I had become a survivor of something truly heinous and slowly began to heal and forgive myself. One coffee turned to two, which turned to a date, which progressed slowly and built a solid foundation. She was amazing, and I knew my life without her would have been a life full of brokenness. 

My phone chimes on the table; it's Matt. “Would a meetup in the next hour work for you?” My answer is quick: “I will be waiting.” I smile as I tell Eleanor she said yes.

“Well then, I am off to get ready and will have breakfast with my dad and see if Matt wants to join.” 40 minutes later my palms are sweaty and I’m nervous. I raise horses and cattle and run boardrooms like it's a hostile takeover. My heart races and I'm tense. Eleanor reaches and pulls me into a hug. “You are going to be fine; deep breath, you got this." The knock echoes through the room like a gunshot, and I go to answer it. 

Kenna

I stand outside the hotel door trying to get the courage to knock. Matt looks at me again. “No rush, I can do it if you would like me to?" He asks patiently, like he hasn't been standing there for 15 minutes watching my fist shake every time I raise it to knock, lower it, huff out a breath, pace back and forth a few steps, turn to the door, and do it all again. 

“No, it has to be me; I need to be the one that does this, but thank you.” I close my eyes, raise my fist, and knock gently on the door. I did it. I breathe out. The hotels are soundproof, and you can’t hear anything behind the doors, but we don't wait long at all as the door swings open and Daniel is there. 

"Hi," he breaks the silence first. “Would you like to come in?” He asks me. I nod, and he opens the door wider for me to come in. 

Eleanor comes into view sitting on the sofa and stands up. She walks up to me and gives me a small smile. "I'm going to be heading down to breakfast in the lounge with my dad. Matt, are you up here or joining me?” She looks over my shoulder to Matt standing in the doorway.

Matt looks at me again. “I’m good; I will let you know when we are done.” I tell him with all the courage I can muster, for as nervous as I am, I know I need to do this myself, at least this meeting. He smiles at me walking over, presses his lips to my forehead, and whispers, "Be brave; get your answers. I will be here when you're done." He turns to Eleanor, extending his arm. “I would love to join you.” He tells her, and they leave, closing the door behind them. 

Here I am, face-to-face with the man I have been too afraid to be curious about. “Would you like to sit inside or out on the balcony?” he asks me. “Outside would be good. I prefer real air to the fake air spewing from the air conditioning units; it always irritates my eyes. " I tell him. I see a smile on his lips, the dimple making its appearance again. "I feel the same way; fresh air always made me feel more relaxed.” 

We sit in silence at first, not really sure where to break the ice. I finally open my mouth. "Tell me about that night… please? I know from my mom's side, but I would like to hear it from you," I tell him honestly. I know how mom felt and understand it. I know her anger, her fear, all of it. It shaped my initial anger towards Daniel, not knowing he knew nothing about me and now just leaving confusion, pain, and heartache behind. What happened between the two of them cost Mom everything to the point that she never opened up to another man again. It shattered her, and my heart broke for what she went through. I didn’t know what to feel, though, about Daniel. 

He starts off, telling me everything from how he knew the family, knew my mother, respected her, and even cared to an extent as his friend's little sister. He tells me about that night, how Mom was not the only one left betrayed, hurt, and broken. He opens up about his healing journey and that it took many therapy sessions to get him where he is today; he even admits he called his therapist last night and let him know about me. He tells me how he searched for my mom once he found out the truth and the pain it had caused my uncle, knowing his best friend was part of the reason his baby sister had fled and how they both worked hard to mend it.

He tells me how he met Eleanor and how for the first time the hurt felt bearable and how together they healed each other. How Matt came to be part of his life and how he vowed to protect him when he met Matt’s father and stepmom and how he had done just that from the day he met Matt. He explains how what Matt went through then reminded him of the manipulation he had seen my grandparents put my mom through, and he would not see that happen to anyone he cared about. 

I was proud of him, taking in Matt and caring for him, trying to make sure history did not repeat itself. 

He asks about me, and I tell him how I thought I was as a kid, Mom, and my traditions we held over holidays and how it hurt knowing there were so many more she wouldn't be part of. I let him know about my studies and that I love animals and always have from the time I was a kid, but I am looking at completing my degree before the end of next year and completing my practical time, still needing a place to actually do that, though. I have sent my applications to a few places and am waiting for a response. I tell him Mom was a fantastic writer. When I tell him the pen name she used, which was also the last name she kept and we used, he smiles. Daniella Elrich, Elrich, not Ulrich; she changed the spelling of the last name and had used Daniel. Knowing what I did now, it almost felt like Mom had forgiven him when she dropped her previous pen name and took this one up. I never really realized in a way she tried to give me Dad's last name initially, but I had changed it back to Westman a few weeks ago. I wanted to be closer to who Mom really was; the Westman name felt like mine to reclaim and own.

“Tell me something ordinary, something that has nothing to do with any of this.” I ask him. He smiles sheepishly and tells me all his horses are named after constellations; he starts telling me he has a few favorites, why they are his favorites, and how their different personalities play out, and when I am ready, he would love to introduce me to them, and if I needed any help completing my practical hours, he could assist, but only if I were ready and if I wanted to. I smiled again; we were trying. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that just yet, and I was honest enough to tell him that, but I would consider it and let him know. 

My phone buzzed, and Matt let me know he was at the door. I told Daniel I would like to talk more a bit later if that was okay with him. He nodded and told me he would like that very much and walked me to the door. He opened the door and there stood Matt. “You good?” and I nodded back to him. “I’m good.”

Matt

It was harder than I thought, leaving Kenna there with Uncle Dan. Aunt El told me she felt the same and that she honestly wanted to wrap both of them in bubble wrap and help them through this. She knew this was a fragile, hope-filled time for them. She surprisingly was excited about having Kenna as a daughter. I know she always had wanted kids, but due to complications, she could not fall pregnant. She was happy for Uncle Dan and thrilled for me. She told me there would be a reception, but given the circumstances, it could wait a bit. Gramps was also happy from what he had seen of Kenna, and I suspect now that he knew more about her, he was truly impressed with her. 

When the door opened, I felt relieved, seeing her face. I realized something had been released, not healed, but opened. I pulled her into my arms without a word and led her back to our suite. "See you later, Uncle Dan." He waves me off. "Look forward to it, kiddo."