Chapter 1

POV Nerva

Was it love? Did I really want to marry Mark, or was it just because it was my first love? Was he also honest with me in what he said, or was it a trick? Was the trick from him or me? I want to continue with this, but inside me, I feel the urge to obey my heart, while my mind stops and says, "Beware, not all of them are lovers."

Everyone finds love! For eighteen years, this was the only idea that stuck in my mind. And if I had not been a little realistic, I would have added that it was the basis and principle on which I built my life throughout that period. But it had all completely evaporated five years ago. All those silly ideas, all that virtual reality that I was living in vanished five years ago, and now I see things as they really are!

Today, as I stand here holding this wreath and walking side by side with my father on the cobbled path, I realize that love is not for everyone. And when Mark came forward, took my hand, and we stood in front of the priest, we both looked at each other and repeated promises and covenants. I felt that I was the darkest of the men—no, the darkest of souls—standing in front of me now.

I felt like I broke his trust, even though he didn't ask for my love; all he wanted was to marry me. But I still felt guilty about that. My mind is confused: do I really love him, or is it just desire? Even after he put the ring on me and kissed my lips so much that everyone objected, even after I smiled at him as we cut the six-tier cake, and even when he whispered in my ear as we danced, "Everything will be fine," that feeling never left me. It felt like a tight thread stuck around my neck.

I waited impatiently for this marriage ceremony to end. As soon as I threw the bouquet of flowers, we all smiled and got into the car!

"This was so horrific!" Mark smiled sweetly at me, still in his white three-piece suit. His short brown hair moved wildly in the air, his green eyes gleamed a bit from the streetlights, and his lips never stopped smiling.

"Yes, indeed, the wedding has taken up the whole day," I replied with a short exhale as I leaned my head back on the chair behind me to close my eyes for a while until we got to the airport.

"Not only today, but I am tired too. Let's just hope we can get there quickly to rest," Mark answered as he pulled out his phone, which rang before he could even look at the screen.

My eyebrows furrowed a little when dissatisfaction appeared on his face. He spoke quickly, hung up his phone, and looked at me angrily, "The flight has been postponed until tomorrow!"

I looked at him in astonishment as he added, "Problems with the damned plane, and they have informed all passengers of this with their deepest regret... the idiots!"

Well, this was certainly not expected.

"Don't worry about this! We can go to a hotel and travel tomorrow. It's really not a big deal to get so angry!" I told him, but he raised an eyebrow at me before saying sharply, "Are you serious? Because of them, all my schedules will change, and I'm not someone who can afford disruptions, Nerva."

I nodded and put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down a bit.

"John, please take us to the nearest airport hotel," I spoke to the driver, who nodded and continued on his way while Mark still mumbled to himself in displeasure. It's not the first time a trip has been delayed due to maintenance work and the like!

Less than half an hour later, the car stopped in front of the hotel. Although we arrived without a reservation, the ease with which we secured an excellent bridal suite was superb.

Mark pointed at a baggage carrier who was coming from the elevator and said, "You go first, Nerva. I have an important call to make, and then I'll catch up with you."

I nodded and walked behind the man in the green hat and soldier-like clothes toward the elevator.

"First time you come here, ma'am?" the man asked me. I answered yes as I looked in the direction Mark had gone.

"You look like a very nice couple!" The man looked at me with some kindness. I smiled and said, "Thank you," before taking out my phone to send Mark a message telling him not to be late.

I entered the room behind the porter, who politely began to show me everything. Even though there was no reason for us to leave until the morning, he was excited as he explained things that weren't even important to me.

"Excuse me, madam," he said as he headed for the door, and I told him, "No problem," as I walked behind him to close it.

"I wish you a good night," he finally added before leaving, and I closed the door with a heavy sigh.

Oh my God, I just remembered I didn't tip him!

I hit my forehead tiredly and walked slowly to the mirror, looking at myself with a look of profound dissatisfaction. At home, I had gotten rid of my wedding dress because it wasn't suitable for travel, and I wore a knee-length ivory dress instead. I had left my black hair loose around my shoulders and touched up my face a little just to give myself that bridal shine.

But looking at the dead features reflected in the mirror, I knew perfectly well that it wasn't me. I wasn't the Nerva Logan I knew. Something had disappeared from my character since the day I agreed to marry Mark Stefanos. Something very important made me barely recognize the woman I had become—the woman named Nerva Mark.

I felt guilt rebelling inside me before I exhaled desperately and headed for the bags that the porter had placed near the bed. I pulled out my suitcase and opened it in search of my pajamas. I was fully aware of my duty; even if I didn't want to do it right now, I was simply no longer the only one making choices. Mark had every right to share my choices and desires too.

"Be as much as you promised, Nerva," I whispered insistently to myself before pulling on a sheer dress and walking over to the bathroom.

I quickly took a shower, washed my face, and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Mark, who still hadn't returned. Wasn't that a bit too late?

"Is he okay?" I wondered with some concern. But that worry quickly faded when Mark walked through the door, his face completely upset.

"What happened? Who was the caller?" I asked him as I got out of bed and walked toward him, but he exhaled angrily and said, "It doesn't matter. We have to sleep early because the flight will take off early."

Aren't we supposed to be a couple now? Should we continue like this?

"Pero I... I mean us... Alice Ali—" I started, but he interrupted me as he unbuttoned his shirt, "Nerva, please... we won't risk missing the flight tomorrow, so let's go to sleep! We still have plenty of time to spend together," he continued, slamming the bathroom door behind him, leaving my eyes popping out in sheer shock!

What in the name of God had just happened? This was our first night together as a couple, and we were already quarreling?!

Without thinking about it any further, I climbed onto the bed and closed my eyes. I couldn't allow what my husband did out of anger to make me even more upset than I already was.

Less than a quarter of an hour later, I heard the sound of the bathroom door opening, and I felt Mark's footsteps as he walked toward the bed and lay down near me. Then, without any apology, a single word, or even a whisper, he had fallen asleep!

I closed my eyes too. In the end, I didn't feel anything—neither the happiness of being newly married, nor regret, nor even the sadness I was supposed to feel at this moment, despite the fact that my husband had essentially rejected me on our first night. All I felt was guilt, and that feeling grew and swelled inside me with every passing second.

***

In fact, even though I didn't sleep well at all through the night, I wasn't completely exhausted in the morning. My physical condition felt fine, and I fully recovered after the cold morning bath I took at six o'clock. Afterward, I sat on the balcony and looked out over the city while the sun was still shining brightly.

That was supposed to be my life—to shine completely in that way, leaving behind all the darkness and disappointed opportunities I had lived through. I smiled as I inhaled the cold morning air before looking at Mark, who was still fast asleep.

Only after yesterday's fight did I notice how quickly he was starting to get angry. Despite us being together for a whole year, he had never been angry like that before; instead, he used to try to comfort me every time I grieved or got upset. Do you think this relationship was causing him pressure? Or was all this just tension because we had officially become bound together?

Honestly, I didn't know. But when he woke up two hours later, he grabbed my hand, saying that he had nightmares last night because of me and that he was so sorry he had fought with me over a stupid call from the airline. He also added, "When we get to the island, I swear to make it up to you, Nerva, and you'll find that the real pleasure in our relationship was worth the wait."

I agreed with him with a simple murmur, although I didn't understand most of what he said at that moment. I mean, I knew that he hadn't touched me for the whole year we were dating because he believed that physical intimacy should wait until after the oath of marriage and so on. So how did he justify what happened yesterday? Even though his plans had been spoiled, they were all things that could easily be overlooked and weren't that important anyway!

By ten o'clock, we had arrived at the airport and taken a little time to complete the procedures before boarding the plane.

"Why do you seem distracted?" Mark asked me after a while, which made me wince slightly before I nodded and put a small smile on my lips.

"I feel like you're not well. Do you suffer from travel sickness or something?"

I actually laughed at his question before telling him, "It's usually seasickness, and I don't have it at the moment. I just feel a bit sleepy..."

"Oh... if that's the case, you'd better sleep while we get there!"

I just nodded, turned off the reading light in my seat, closed my eyes, and pretended to sleep. For the next few hours, however, I felt genuinely nauseous. It was the first time in my life I had felt this exhausted, to the point where every part of my body was aching. When the plane finally landed, I felt saved.

We hurried down to find a car waiting for us, and as soon as we got in, it sped off like the wind. All the while, the man next to me grew more and more nervous the closer we got to our destination.

I yawned tiredly and turned to look out the car window. The city we had come to looked beautiful, though I didn't know where we were exactly because it wasn't a well-known capital or tourist hub, and I didn't travel much. So I asked Mark in a drowsy voice, "Where are we?!"

"I-I told you it was a surprise, wasn't it? Where is your sense of adventure, my dear?"

My ears had never heard him use the word "dear" quite like that before, and the tone Mark was using didn't sound at all like how he had spoken before yesterday. It was as if everything about him had suddenly begun to change! Is this even normal?!

"Take this juice, you look completely tired."

I nodded, took the bottle from his hand, and drank thirstily, as if I hadn't had water in ages.

"I'm better now," I told him, handing back the rest of the juice. He closed the bottle and put it down near him.

"Aren't you thirsty?" I asked him in amazement, while another, stronger yawn made my eyes water. The sugar was supposed to increase my energy, but this juice only made me feel heavier and sleepier.

I rested my hands at my side and let my head loll back a little, falling into a sudden, profoundly heavy sleep.