Chapter 1 - masks

 Chapter 1

Humans are wicked every single one of them.

They all wear masks swap them depending on the situation, depending on who's watching who is listening who they care about more or who they care about less. Some are aware of that trait in them and some wore the masks so much that they don't know who the real them is anymore. They forget that they are underneath.

My so called father has more masks than any human alive.

Prime minister. Father. Husband. Patriot. Visionary. He wore each one so convincingly that even we four believed him. Me, my mother, and my sister.

We don't anymore.

Two of us can't.

I am sixteen years old and I have lived alone since I was eleven.

The apartment is quiet. I hate that sound  so peaceful yet so noisy, how can no sound have so much noise? How can a small space feel so empty?

I hate the silence so I usually turn on the television but then I realise I have to look at my stupid father's face. Every channel talks about him. I'm sick of it. He keeps saying on and on that he would lead Japan to unity, that he would make Japan the best place in the world. Couldn't even unite his family.

I hate him.

His voice on the tv sounds so calm so reassuring. Sometimes it makes me forget what kind of person he really is. He used that voice once when I was eight when I asked why he was never home he looked at me with the same calm reassuring face he is making right now on the tv and said, because the country needs me more than you do.

He wasn't wrong. That was the part that really broke me.

On the television my father shakes hands with someone important. He smiles it reaches his eyes perfectly. Practiced. Warm. Exactly the right duration.

I inherited that from him. The smile that reaches the eyes on command.

I use it less than he does.

People at school know I live alone. I told them my parents are rich business people working in America. They believed me because I said it with that smile. A smile that could convince anybody.

A few classmates came over a week ago. They were shocked. One of them said "you lived here for 5 years why are the walls so bare?" I still don't understand what he meant. Why would someone decorate a place he doesn't consider a home.

This is not my true home.

What they don't know what nobody knows is that I have exactly 4,200,067 yen in a savings account I have not touched. Money my father left in the house. I found it in a suitcase in his work room after my sister died.

I used that money to rent this apartment. He never came to ask about it. I mean how could he after what happened he better not show his face in front of me. I used that money wisely. Only rent. Only basic living expenses. At first I was skeptical. How could I use money from this person. But then I realised he owes me way more than that.

He owes me everything.

Instant noodles are my favourite. I eat them for breakfast every day. School is in forty minutes. I have a math exam I haven't studied for and a history presentation I finished three weeks ago because having nothing to do is more dangerous than having too much.

There is a photo I keep on the inside of my wallet. A girl, seven years old, holding an ice cream that's melting faster than she can eat it, laughing at something off camera. Silky dark hair and messed up two pigtails because she did them herself and refused help.

Hana.

She used to follow me everywhere. Every room I walked into she was there a few seconds later with the same specific expression half curious half victorious like finding me was a game she'd won again.

Shin ni-chan. Shin ni-chan. What are you doing. Can I watch. I'll be quiet. I'm always quiet.

She was never quiet. I never told her to be.

I think about last summer sometimes. She was holding that same ice cream it was melting faster than she could eat it, dripping down her hand, and she didn't care at all. She was laughing at something I said without meaning to be funny. Not a polite laugh. The kind that takes over your whole face.

She looked at me like I was the best thing in the world.

I looked away. I didn't know what to do with that.

I look at the photograph for exactly four seconds. Then I put it away.

I have a train to catch.