Ch 51. Hourglass Appointments

John threw back his coffee and swallowed the last dregs at the bottom of his cup. It was going to be a long day. He and Andressa had managed to finagle all of his scheduled appointments for the week of their trip on top of the appointments he already had that week. Luckily he didn’t have any new clients to deal with, but even so the prospect of seeing nearly double the clients per day as usual was an intimidating one.

The first appointment was with Li-Zhenhai of the Heavenly Tyrant Sword sect. After the usual fanfare of his arrival and short tea ceremony, they were able to jump into things.

“So, how have you been?” asked John.

“I have been… challenged by some recent events within my clan.”

“Oh?” asked John.

“My father has brought a new concubine into the household and she has been attempting to anger me enough to make me dishonor myself.”

“Have you been practicing your anger management techniques?”

“Yes. I focus on my breathing and count to ten-thousand.”

They’d tried just ten, but apparently his mind worked too quickly for that to cause him to slow down and calm himself.

“And do you feel they’ve been effective?”

“They have kept me from harming anyone. Kept me in my father’s good graces. They make me feel foolish when I do them though.”

“They can feel kind of silly, but you’re the only one that knows you’re doing them.”

“This is true.”

“It’s fairly normal for a new presence in the household to cause everyone stress. How has your mother been handling it?”

“I have not yet spoken with her about it.”

“Perhaps venting some of your frustrations with her may help you feel more calm about the situation as a whole. Or at least feel like you're not alone dealing with it.”

Li-Zhenhai stroked his chin for a moment. “Yes… perhaps conspiring with mother could yield more fruitful results than direct action.”

John sighed. “That’s not exactly what I mean.”

…

“Good morning Sabatha, Rodrick, it’s been some time since your last appointment,” said John as he held the door open for the princess and her knight.

“Well, we’ve been busy. I got kidnapped by a group of sirens,” said Rodrick as he sat.

“Then I got dragged away by a terrible golden dragon,” said Sabatha with a wistful look on her face.

“Ah, I see,” said John. “Tea?”

They shook their heads.

“Before I sit down, there’s not going to be some evil menace appearing to drag one of you off is there?”

“I uh, don’t have anything planned,” said Sabatha blushing slightly.

“I have been trying to cut back a bit myself,” said Rodrick.

“Really? Have you both started listening to one another instead of hiding behind endless foreplay and kidnappings?”

Neither of them was able to meet his gaze and he sat down in his chair. “Good. I mean, after the last time with the mole men I was considering cutting you both as clients. The amount of dirt they left everywhere when they kidnapped Sabatha was… well it took a wish from a djinn to get it off the curtains.”

He picked up his notepad and pencil. “So, how are things between you now that the haze of lust has been at least partially dissipated?”

“Good,” started Rodrick, though he looked at Sabatha who nodded in agreement as if to ensure that they were on the same page, “Though I will say it’s gotten a bit more difficult to fill time.”

“It’s restful, but we keep wandering around the palace unsure of what to do with ourselves,” said Sabatha, nodding in agreement.

“Well, what did you both do before you met?”

“I was a knight of the realm, and a prince,” said Rodrick. “I practiced my skills with arms, horsemanship, those kinds of things.”

“I was the captive of a dragon for some time. I spent most of my time singing or weaving.”

“Well, it sounds to me like there might be value in pursuing those hobbies again. If they don’t work out then I’d recommend spending some time here in Avalon. There’s more hobbies and experiences here than almost anywhere else. I can personally vouch for the infinite library. Probably a good place to start either way.”

“I don’t know… it seems a little dull,” said Sabatha.

“Better a bit of dullness and actually sleeping through a night I think love,” said Rodrick in response.

She nodded. “That’s certainly true.”

…

Wia was perched elegantly at the edge of the couch, taking just a moment to lick one of her paws and readjust her headdress before she fully settled into it. The sphinx was looking beautiful as always and John wondered, not for the first time, how she managed to apply eye-shadow with paws.

“Thanks for being adaptable about moving your appointment up. I know it’s not easy with your work.”

“It was something that exists in the middle of water.”

John smiled, glad he’d found that book of one-thousand-and-one riddles at the infinite library just a week earlier.

“It may have been nothing for you, but I still appreciate it.” He settled into his own chair wondering how long it would take him to brush golden fur out of the couch this time. “So, how have things been? Have we managed to cut back on randomly giving riddles to people in the streets?”

“We have. I only had one incident when I stopped a goblin from crossing the street before he could tell me whether a ton of feather or iron was heavier.”

“Well, it’s not perfect, but improvement rarely is. Are the cravings still bad?”

She shook her head. “I have, at the suggestion of a friend from my game group named Sarah, begun to host something known as ‘bar trivia’ every other night at a place called The Gnome’s Delight.”

“That's great,” said John. He’d known Sarah was in a few of the gaming groups the other support groups members were in, but hadn’t known that she and Wia had encountered one another. It was good to hear that she was being so helpful. He was still a bit anxious about leaving her in charge of the support group while he was gone.

“It has been good. Though many do not handle loss well when they are drunk I’ve noticed.”

John shrugged. “A common problem among all races of Avalon I fear.”

…

“Both Valen and Urda have cancelled their appointments. Judging by the smudges and… stains on the notes they sent I don’t think they’re able to drag themselves out of the bed they’re sharing.”

John let out a long exhausted sigh. “I’ll take the breaks where I can get them. Even if they’re the result of my clients' rampant horniness for one another.” The elf and dwarf had both managed one more appointment during which they raved, in very explicit terms, about the time they’d spent with one another. John wanted to keep seeing them, as he had some concerns about their obsessions with one another, but he wasn’t exactly going to send guards after them.

John leaned back in his chair and rubbed his raw eyes. With this break in the clients he’d be able to have a quick bite to eat, but he still had quite a few to go, not to mention that he’d be staying up to deal with the night shift clients as well.

He felt Andressa’s tail gently brush against the side of his face and opened his eyes to see her holding a hot cup of coffee. He smiled and took it gratefully, taking a big sip. It was exactly the way he liked it.

“You know I appreciate you doing this.” She smiled. “Not many men would work this hard to go to Hell with their girlfriend.”

John shrugged. “You're worth it.”

“Of course, you could’ve just cancelled a few appointments rather than torturing yourself like this.”

He shrugged again. “They’re worth it too.”

He put down his mug to sigh and felt the point of her tail under his chin angling his face upward as she leaned down for a kiss. He returned it.

…

Christoph smiled his perfect smile at John as he entered the office. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt rather than the more local garb of tunics and tights that John had grown used to seeing him wearing. He had been an adventurer in Avalon since he’d arrived, one of the few outworlders to make that transition successfully.

John gave him a quick handclasp into half-hug. “Christoph! It’s good to see you. I wasn’t sure you’d make it in.”

Christoph had a standing appointment once a month, but usually his adventuring meant he wasn’t able to take advantage of it.

“Good to see you too,” he replied. “I wanted to make sure to come to this one once I heard you would be gone for a few weeks.” He went to sit down. “Did I hear right that you’re going to hell? I can’t say I enjoyed my visits. Lots of fire and monsters and death.”

“Different Hell. Unless the last year of building a relationship has been an elaborate ruse to take my soul.” John tapped his chin. “I don’t think that’s the case though.”

“Well if it is I’ll be first to cross the barrier and bring you back.”

“I believe that,” John took a seat and grabbed his notebook. “So, how have you been? Getting along with your friends better?”

Christoph nodded. “Yes. I think spending more downtime in Avalon, and sharing books with one another from the infinite library has been helpful. We still don’t get each other perfectly, but when Ikthiss references the thousand tail tangle, Gundarina tells a joke about the ten-thousand steps of Burndar, or I say something about Batman we all can enjoy it a bit more. That and spending a bit more time going to the support group meetings have been helpful.”

“That’s really good to hear.”

“I actually wanted to see you because of something besides my mental health.”

“Oh?”

“In the last quest, I found this.” He pulled out a small blue marble, and held it out to John.

John took it, and looked at it closely. It wasn’t just blue, there were patches of green and white as well.

“It’s Earth,” he said, suddenly holding it a bit more gently between his fingers.

“It is. It’s a one way ticket back to the place of one’s choosing.”

John nodded. He always expected to feel a bit of pull when he held an object like this. Some bit of desire to use it himself, to jump back home, but he never did. He’d held djinn’s lamps, chalk that could create portals anywhere, and even a purified monkey’s paw, and he was always just glad he could get someone home that needed it.

“This is a princely gift. I’ll have to make sure I distribute it before I leave. Can it only carry one person?”

“No. It can handle two, three if they’re small enough.” He pulled out a small envelope. “Our wizard wrote up all this to help.”

John took it and nodded. There weren’t any children that needed to be sent back, they were usually the priority, which meant he’d have to check the at risk list and maybe the waiting list. Jake Onasa was fairly high on there, his grip on reality seemed completely broken with blue screen syndrome, but there may be some new cases that needed to be assessed and John was still hopeful that they’d be able to rehabilitate him eventually. He was also fairly tall, and it may be more valuable to send three shorter people if they could. Whatever the case, whatever headaches it caused, it was a good thing to have.

…

The first of his night appointments was Radu, who appeared by flying in through John’s window in a cloud of bats. He manifested as his usual self wearing a pair of mittens embroidered with small bats as well as a matching cap and scarf. Beneath all of that he was wearing black leather pants and a silk blouse.

“Radu, welcome.”

“Thank you,” he responded with just enough of a smile to show fangs.

“I appreciate you finding time tonight to see me.”

“It is no problem. The crochet group cancelled today anyway since Gertrude and Bella were visiting their grandchildren.”

“So you’re still enjoying your sewing groups? Learning a lot, talking about hobbies?”

He nodded, still smiling. “Yes, though I admit that is not actually the main source of satisfaction I get from the groups.”

John frowned at the way he said that. “Oh, is it the camaraderie?”

The vampire laughed. “Oh no. It’s being involved with a group of cutthroat bitches and gossips that are more twisted and vile than any vampire court I’ve ever been involved with. I’m surprised they don’t use their crochet hooks to tear the hair from one another.”

John’s frown deepened. “So it’s more of the same kind of thing you’ve been doing for the last hundred years.”

“I wouldn’t say that. This is so much different. They will offer to buy one another fabric, but only as a way of calling one another poor. They’ll say the other’s grandchild is ‘very special’, but are in fact calling them a fool. Their words are all said with perfect and absolute kindness, but the entire time they are concealing venom. I am no stranger to double-entendres and backhanded compliments mind you, but there’s such a different flavor to it the way they do it. So much cruelty in their kindness. It’s absolutely delicious.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose. “That wasn’t exactly the result I had hoped for when I suggested this to you. You’re feeling less ennui though?”

“Oh yes. I haven’t felt so stimulated in years. They also have fantastic advice on the craft itself. That reminds me,” he reached into his cloak and pulled out a bundle of green cloth. He spread it out to show a green scarf covered in small flowers of yellow, red, purple, and blue. “I made this for you. I know that you don’t require payment, but I felt you would enjoy it. Normally my brides steal what I made for you for themselves, but they all abhor this shade of green so it worked out.”

John took the scarf, feeling the soft fabric between his fingers.

“This is very nice, thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

He stared at the scarf for a few more moments. It wasn’t the exact progress he’d been hoping for, but he’d take what he could get.

…

At the end of a long difficult day and night, John walked out of his office to find Andressa sleeping at her desk. He kissed her on the cheek to wake her up and they walked hand in hand in tired silence back to his apartment where they collapsed into bed for the night.