Ch 8. Hourglass Courtship

John took a deep breath as he brushed his hair back. He looked good, at least as good as he had in recent memory. He was wearing a green suit, as always, but he’d taken the time to bathe a second time, and wear his favorite of his closet of green suits, which was dark with a repeating pattern of small leaves that couldn’t be seen unless you were looking closely. He checked his teeth for the third time, and took a sip of water before checking the time. It was nearly sundown so he couldn’t stall any more. He left his apartment and started walking down the road toward the Thirsty Drake. It was a warm night under the small globes of glowing light that lined the streets, and he saw a number of batfolk flying overhead as well as night elves and abyssians. Not to mention the many night owls of other races out to enjoy the night air or get a nice dinner.

The Thirsty Drake was a nicer tavern that had been around for a few hundred years from what he understood. Under the care of the same elvish proprietor throughout all that time. It was built of cherry colored wood with lots of curved angles and wildflowers growing from odd spaces all throughout. As he opened the door he could smell an earthy scent and the flowery aroma of mixed drinks as he walked in. He could see a number of men and women milling about a little awkwardly, but saw no sign of Rene or Ben so he decided to make his way toward the bar.

A young gnomish man was standing on a stool gently placing a single rose petal on top of a drink the color of honey. John waited patiently for him to hand the drink to a deer woman with black eyes who sipped it before giving the gnome a nod of approval and walking away.

“What can I get you?”

“Gin, something very floral if possible.”

The gnome chuckled. “Everything’s floral around here, shouldn’t be a problem.” He leapt off his stool and grabbed a dark green bottle. He returned to John and poured some of the clear liquid into a small glass that he slid to John.

John slid him a few coins, including a nice tip, and sipped it slowly. The heat of it travelled down his throat pleasantly and he definitely detected the heavy floral influence. He’d nearly finished his drink when Rene and Ben walked in.

“Lots of sexy ladies out here tonight,” said Ben leering at a well endowed elven woman that drew her coat a bit closer and turned away from his gaze.

John looked around, there were a number of attractive women of just about every race milling about.

“Ben, maybe tone it down a bit, huh? We’re only going to have five minutes with each of these women, so try to spend some time asking them about themselves and not too much time focusing on yourself.”

Ben frowned, which was actually a rather scary expression on his face, but nodded.

Rene looked a bit nervous too.

“Need a drink?” asked John. “I’ll buy you one if you’d like.”

Rene shook his head. “I already had some wine before I came,” he pushed some sand colored hair from his eyes. “Don’t think I’d have had the nerve to come otherwise.”

John laughed. “I can’t blame you. This kind of thing causes a lot of anxiety. Just remember, we’re all here together. If one of us is a fool, well, we all are.”

Rene nodded, his eyes drifting to Ben for an imperceptible moment and shortly after John finished the last of his gin there was the sound of clinking glass.

A night elf woman was standing on a stool holding a glass in one hand and a mixing spoon in another. She had a smile on her face, and her dark purple eyes reflected the soft light of the tavern in such a way that it seemed there were figures dancing across them.

“Hello everyone!” She said with a cheery voice. “Those of you here for the hourglass courtship, we’re about to get started.” She gestured to a long row of tables and chairs all along one side of the tavern. “If everyone could please go have a seat. Where you sit first doesn’t matter too much, as you’ll all be talking to one another at least once. Once everyone gets settled I’ll set down the hourglass and ring this bell,” she pulled a delicate silver bell from somewhere and rang it where a fine chime carried magically, but unobtrusively, across the room. “That will be the signal to start talking. When the hourglass is done, I’ll ring it again and flip the hourglass over. When you hear the chime the men will slide down one seat and the women will stay where they are. From there you can get started again. Is everyone ready?”

There was a murmur in the affirmative from the crowd, and they all gradually made their way to the tables they’d been pointed to. John wound up separated from both Rene and Ben, but felt that may have been for the best. He found himself toward the middle of the large groups and sitting across from a goblin woman wearing a tight purple dress with decorative bone pauldrons and a necklace made of teeth that seemed to have been coated in silver and gold. Her skin was a pale green, her teeth razor sharp, and her red eyes were half hidden behind medium length blue-black hair that partially fell across her face.

The bell rang.

“Hi, I’m John,” he said with what he hoped was a disarming smile.

“I’m Tear-issa, of the Fang Finders.”

“Oh, the west Avalon Fang Finders?” he asked politely.

“I think you’re thinking of the Canine Collectors, but I’m impressed that a human would know of them,” she said leaning forward to get a better look at him. He was at a much higher angle than she was and he didn’t mind the view.

“Ah, I had a client who had a few dealings with them, sorry I got them confused.”

“What kind of dowry would I expect from you?” She asked.

He laughed a bit nervously. “Uh, excuse me?”

“I have been offered as many as four cows and a direwolf’s entire mouth of teeth in the past.”

“Oh um…” he thought for a few moments. “That seems a little low doesn’t it?” he asked.

“Exactly,” she responded. “I am clearly worth more than that.”

“I would certainly have to agree with that. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’d be able to afford a bride of your quality.”

“No? That’s unfortunate. Not many humans have teeth so nice as yours, and I like your hair the color of rust.”

John blushed a little, flattered. “I’m disappointed as well, but I do wish you luck in finding a suitable partner that can provide you with an appropriate dowry.”

“Thank you,” she nodded.

They sat there in silence for a moment. John had gained a lot of practice rolling with odd situations since he’d arrived in Avalon, and it seemed that his improvisational skills would work out well here. Though he was a bit disappointed that he didn’t seem to have a real shot at anything with the goblin across from him, the sharp teeth were… interesting to him.

“So, where are the Fang Finders located in Avalon?” he asked.

Tear-issa spent a few pleasant minutes talking about her family, managing to quickly squeeze in a story about their ancestral hero that stole the tooth of a dragon which he found himself so immersed in that he barely heard the ringing of the bell.

He said a friendly goodbye and moved on to the next seat. In sharp contrast to Tear-issa he found himself sitting across from an ogress wearing a simple brown dress with a square face and powerful tusks capped in silver.

She gave him a once over and shook her head.

“You would die if I was to take you to bed.”

He laughed. “Fair enough, I respect your honesty.” There were a number of odd couples in Avalon, but everyone had their limits as to who or what they felt biologically compatible with.

He looked around a bit. “Anyone in particular you’re hoping you’ll have good chemistry with?” he asked.

She looked around a bit and frowned. “I was hoping for some… larger men.”

“Have you ever gone to the Jotun’s Breath on the East side? It’s a mostly giant, and troll bar, but I bet you’d have some luck there if you strike out here.” John had actually helped the owner and his wife with couple’s therapy some time ago. A fire and frost giant making things work could be very difficult.

She scratched her chin, her chairs groaning a bit from the movement. “That is good to know.”

After a bit more small talk the bell rang again, and John slid over once again, this time seeing a familiar orcish face.

“Krush, how are you?” It was the Orcish Chief that had been in a relationship with Zak the adventurer. She was wearing a top and skirt made of some kind of animal hide, showing a set of impressive abs, and had a bearskin cloak over her shoulders.

She nodded at him, giving him a hearty smile. “Brain mender, it is good to see you. You seek a mate?”

“Yes,” he said sitting down, “that’s definitely part of what I’m looking for. I’m surprised to see you here though. Have you concluded your… business?”

She nodded. “Yes, I am with Zak’s child.”

His eyebrows went up. “It’s only been a week.”

She nodded. “I had it confirmed by a shaman. Once I made my priorities known it was an easy conquest.”

“Well… congratulations! I’m surprised to see you here though.”

“With the heir secured, I can search for a partner.”

“You don’t expect that might be a bit harder while you're pregnant?”

“I am a warchief of renown, and also quite beautiful. I’m worth it.”

He laughed. “I wish I could give some of my other clients your confidence.”

“They must earn it themselves.”

He nodded. “There’s certainly wisdom in that.”

“So, do you seek a mate?”

“Well, you’re certainly attractive, but I don’t feel we’d be a good match,” he said honestly.

She nodded. “It is true, you are more fragile than those I typically seek.”

“You know, the ogress told me the same thing. I’m starting to take it a bit personally,” he said with a smile.

She thoughtfully scratched at the bearhead that sat on her shoulder. “Hmmm, perhaps with a few healing potions it might-”

The bell rang again.

“Guess I’m moving on. Good luck,” he said, finding himself a little disappointed that he wasn’t able to hear the rest of her suggestion. He didn’t really feel comfortable dating a client in general anyway, former or not, much less a pregnant one, but he didn’t think anyone would fault him for hanging on a bit to the fantasy of her breaking a few of his bones.

He moved to the next table where a woman with incredibly pale skin and blood red hair sat wearing a dress of burgundy silk. She looked at him with black eyes as he approached and smiled. He noticed slender fangs rather than the mouths full of sharp teeth that he’d grown used to seeing with the last few women.

“Well aren’t you a scrumptious morsel,” she said leaning toward him as he sat down.

“Uh, thank you. I’m John.”

“I’m Lady Lucinda Dhampira Carmilla Dracul,” she said, her eyes twinkling in the lamplight.

“That’s a beautiful name,” replied John.

Very suddenly she had a long slender finger tracing along the side of his neck and landing on his lapel. “You have a very modern sense of fashion.”

“Thank you,” he said, flushing a bit from the unexpected touch.

“You blush so easily. Oh, I could just eat you up.”

“Ah.”

“This whole thing is kind of silly, isn’t it?” she said looking around. “What say we leave you and I? Find some dark room and see what each other looks like out of all this finery.”

John didn’t particularly feel like being drained by a vampire that day so he gently took her hand from his lapel and held it, looking deeply into her eyes.

“I’m afraid that I’m saving myself, and I think you should too. Delinar, the Lord of Light and Love would not look kindly on such things before we’re wed.”

She snapped her hand back and pushed her chair away from him.

“Is there a problem?” he asked innocently.

“There is no problem. I uh, just realized that I believe we are incompatible.”

“Oh, okay then,” he said sadly. He didn’t really worship Delinar, nor did he have any issues with any pre-marital fun, but sometimes you had to tell a few lies to get a vampire off your neck.

The bell rang again and he slid down to the next table, once again seeing a familiar face.

Andressa smiled at him with sharp teeth, her skin a bright, almost glowing red. She was wearing a slim black dress and had golden chains woven between her horns.

“You didn’t have your fill at work then?” he asked.

She chuckled. “You got me, this seemed like an easy event for a quick meal.”

“I hope you’re not too cruel to the men here,” he said as he sat down.

She shook her head. “Don’t worry, I just ask some simple questions like how much I look like their mothers, or I bring up my ex boyfriend the violent orcish warchief, or I explain that I need to have a firstborn asap or I’ll have to start selling people’s hearts to Queen Mab.”

John laughed. “Oh wow, you really are from Hell. No wonder you’re such a bright shade of red tonight.”

She looked at her arms, twisting them around a bit. “I think it suits me.”

He nodded. “It certainly does.”

“What about you? Are you genuinely looking?”

“I’m mostly here to support some friends from my support group.”

“Support group?”

“I run a small group of people from Earth that meet once a week. We talk about problems adjusting to Avalon and help each other out as much as we can.” He adjusted his collar, realizing it had been flipped up by the vampiress he’d been speaking with. “Though if I hit it off with someone, I suppose that wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

“You want to give this a real shot then?” she asked, gesturing between them.

“Well-”

“We can start by going over how much I remind you of your mother.”

He sighed. “Are you just always hungry?”

She smiled. “You could say that.”

At the end of the night Rene, Ben, and John waited by the bar to see if any of the women they’d spoken with left their names and a method of contact. Ben’s fur was matted down and dripping when he sat down on his stool.

“What happened?” asked John.

“Lady with deer antlers fucking poured her drink on me!” he said, shaking his head like a dog and sending droplets everywhere. “All I said was that she had a nice rack. I thought it was clever.”

John resisted groaning and instead gave him a friendly pat on the back.

“How’d things go for you Rene?” asked John.

“I, uh, think I hit it off with a dwarven woman. A mechanic. She was really interested when I told her about flying a plane.”

“That’s great man!” said John. “How about I buy you both a drink?” He called the gnome bartender over, and got them each something to nurse until they each received their envelopes. John’s had what looked like a half-dozen names in it.

“Looks like just three for me,” he said smiling.

“I got four, though I think one of them just wants to eat me…” said Rene.

Ben crumpled up his paper and dropped it to the floor. “Just one… and it was the fucking ogress.” He shook his head and looked at John. “Do you think you could loan me some money? I think I may have a chance with that goblin chick if I can just scrape enough money together for some cows.”

“Fraid not buddy. I’m proud of you both though, good job putting yourselves out there tonight.”

He was proud of himself too. It was the kind of thing Katrina said he never did. Going out to an event with friends. He was glad he’d done it.