Chapter 2

#The Test Results

Kendra and Maura walked side by side through the hospital corridor, their hands intertwined.

The hospital was unusually quiet for a weekday afternoon. The smell of antiseptic lingered in the air, mixed with the faint scent of coffee drifting from a small café near the lobby. Nurses moved from one room to another, doctors spoke quietly among themselves, and somewhere in the distance, a hospital trolley squeaked across the tiled floor.

For Kendra, it was just another hospital visit.

For Maura, it felt like she was walking toward a verdict.

This was the fourth obstetrician they had consulted since they began trying to have a baby. Three doctors had examined them before, and none had been able to find anything wrong. Now, on the recommendation of a friend who lived in South Surabaya, they had come to see Dr. Elkan.

Three days ago, they had undergone a series of fertility tests.

Today, they would finally receive the results.

Maura squeezed Kendra's fingers.

He glanced at her.

Her face looked pale, and her eyes were fixed on the floor as though she were afraid that looking ahead might somehow make the answer worse.

"What if I'm infertile, Mas?" she whispered.

Kendra stopped walking.

"Hey." He turned toward her and gently tightened his grip around her hand. "Don't say things like that."

"But I'm scared."

"Words become prayers sometimes. Don't ask for something you don't want to happen."

Maura lowered her head.

"But what if something really is wrong with me?"

"Then we'll deal with it together."

His voice was firm.

His eyes were reassuring.

At least, he tried to make them that way.

"Whatever the result is, we're facing it together. Understand?"

Maura finally looked up.

A small smile appeared on her lips.

"Okay."

Kendra smiled back.

Women were delicate creatures.

Not in the sense that they were weak. Maura was certainly not weak. But their feelings could be incredibly sensitive. Sometimes, they thought too much, imagined the worst possible outcomes, and ended up hurting themselves long before anything had actually happened.

At least, that was how Kendra understood it.

As her husband, he believed it was his responsibility to calm her whenever anxiety took over.

And there was something about Maura's smile that always made him want to protect it.

They reached the familiar door.

Kendra glanced at his watch. A dark brown leather strap circled his wrist.

Five minutes early.

Perfect.

He had always hated being late.

Before he could knock, a voice came from inside.

"Come in!"

Kendra opened the door.

"Good afternoon, Doctor."

He gently pulled Maura inside.

Dr. Elkan looked up from his desk.

"Right on time. Please, have a seat."

The doctor had a long chin and wore an enormous pair of black-framed glasses.

Kendra stared at them for half a second.

Those glasses are ancient.

He quickly looked away before the thought showed on his face.

Dr. Elkan's entire appearance had a vintage quality to it, although he was nowhere near old enough to justify dressing like someone who had stepped out of another era.

Neither Kendra nor Maura wasted time with small talk.

They both knew why they were there.

Dr. Elkan picked up the medical reports lying on his desk.

"I've reviewed all of your test results."

Maura's fingers immediately found Kendra's again.

Kendra squeezed them.

The doctor looked from one report to another.

"The good news is that there is nothing wrong with either of you."

Maura blinked.

"What?"

"Your fertility tests are normal. Both of you are healthy."

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

Then Maura exhaled.

It was as though she had been holding her breath for days.

"Really, Doctor?"

"Really."

A smile slowly spread across her face.

Kendra felt the tension leave his shoulders.

Dr. Elkan handed them the reports.

"So, medically speaking, there is no apparent reason why you haven't conceived yet. Sometimes, there simply isn't a clear medical explanation. Keep trying, keep taking care of your health, and keep praying."

He smiled.

"Perhaps God simply hasn't entrusted you with that blessing yet."

Maura nodded.

"We will, Doctor."

"Be patient. I hope you'll come back here one day with good news."

"Amen," Maura said softly.

Kendra smiled.

"Amen."

On the way home, Maura kept staring at the test results.

She looked relieved.

Almost happy.

Kendra drove with one hand on the steering wheel while occasionally glancing at her.

"So," he said, "what do you think about what the doctor said?"

Maura looked up.

"About what?"

"About trying other options."

She understood immediately.

"Both of us are healthy, Mas. I don't think we need to jump into IVF."

Kendra frowned slightly.

"I didn't say we had to jump into it."

"But you were thinking about it."

"Of course I was."

Maura turned toward the window.

"I want to wait."

"Wait for how long?"

"Until Allah gives us the right time."

Kendra sighed.

"There's nothing wrong with trying IVF. It's allowed religiously, as long as the sperm comes from the husband."

"I know."

"Then why not consider it?"

"Because I believe we still have other things we can do first."

Kendra said nothing.

It had been almost two years since their wedding.

During their first year of marriage, he had been able to tolerate the absence of a child. There was no reason to panic, he had told himself. They were still young. There was plenty of time.

But the second year had been different.

Questions had become accusations.

When are you two going to have a baby?

Still no luck?

Are you sure you're both healthy?

And then there were the crueler questions, usually whispered behind their backs.

Maybe one of them is infertile.

Kendra could tolerate gossip.

What he could not tolerate was the pressure from his own family.

His mother had never been particularly fond of Maura.

Whenever the subject of children came up, she seemed to forget that Maura was her daughter-in-law, a woman with feelings and dignity.

Sometimes the words were subtle.

Sometimes they were not.

What kind of wife can't even give her husband a child?

Don't wait too long.

You should get yourself checked.

The worst part was that the insults were usually directed at Maura while Kendra stood there listening.

He hated seeing her hurt.

But he also hated being reminded that, after nearly two years, they still had no child.

Maura folded the medical report and placed it carefully inside her handbag.

"I still want to try naturally."

Kendra glanced at her.

"Why?"

"Because I believe Allah gives things at the right time."

He remained silent.

Maura continued.

"And sometimes God's idea of the right time is different from ours."

"When is this 'right time' supposed to be?"

His voice sounded more irritated than he intended.

Maura looked at him.

"When we're truly ready."

Kendra frowned.

"Ready? We've been waiting for almost two years."

"Maybe there's something we need to fix first."

"Like what?"

"Our relationship."

His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

"What do you mean?"

Maura hesitated.

"Maybe there are things between us that aren't completely right yet. Maybe we need to look at ourselves before asking for something bigger."

She lowered her eyes.

"Or maybe one of us isn't emotionally ready."

Kendra didn't respond.

Because, deep down, Maura knew something he didn't want to hear.

She knew that Kendra did not completely love her.

Maybe he cared about her.

Maybe he was comfortable with her.

Maybe he enjoyed coming home to her, having dinner with her, seeing her smile.

But love?

She wasn't sure.

Maura had loved Kendra almost from the beginning.

Kendra had never loved her in quite the same way.

Their marriage had not been born from a grand romance.

At least, not for him.

It had been built on comfort.

Security.

And, perhaps, opportunity.

Kendra had chosen Maura partly because she came from a wealthy family.

He had wanted to change his life.

And marrying Maura seemed like the easiest way to do it.

She had agreed.

That was the irony.

She had entered the marriage with her heart.

He had entered it with reasons.

"I don't think we should overcomplicate this," Kendra said. "We've waited long enough."

"Let's give it another year."

"Another year?"

"If I'm still not pregnant a year from now, then we'll consider IVF."

Kendra shook his head.

"One year is a long time, Maura."

She turned toward him.

"Please."

She pressed her palms together and gave him a pleading look.

"Just one year."

Kendra stared at her.

He knew that look.

He had never been good at resisting it.

"Fine."

"Really?"

"One year."

Maura smiled brightly.

"Thank you."

She looked genuinely happy.

"We'll pray harder. Maybe I'll get pregnant soon."

"Amen."

Kendra paused.

Then a mischievous smile appeared on his face.

"That means we have to work overtime every night."

Maura's cheeks immediately turned red.

"Mas!"

"What? We're supposed to make an effort, aren't we?"

She turned toward the window, hiding her smile.

After more than a year of marriage, Maura still became embarrassed whenever Kendra joked about married intimacy.

They were opposites in many ways.

Kendra was outspoken, sociable, and comfortable saying exactly what was on his mind.

Maura was quieter and more reserved.

She wore a wide hijab, rarely went anywhere without it, and had very few close friends. She had one best friend from high school, another from university, and two colleagues at the campus where she worked.

Four people.

That was enough for her.

Kendra, on the other hand, knew people everywhere.

That was hardly surprising.

Employees spent most of their working hours doing their jobs.

Business owners spent much of their time building relationships.

Especially in the hospitality industry.

For Kendra, more connections meant more opportunities.

More opportunities meant more customers.

By the time they arrived home, Maura had returned to her usual calm self.

Kendra waited until she had entered the house before turning his car around.

He had somewhere else to be.

The hotel.

It was the business he had started building after graduating from university.

The place had become his second home.

Sometimes Maura came there just to have lunch with him.

Today, however, Kendra had work to do.

When he entered the hotel lobby, the receptionist immediately greeted him.

"Good afternoon, Sir."

"Where's Ms. Amala?"

"She's in the hall, Sir."

"All right. I'll go there."

Kendra headed toward the ballroom.

There was a wedding reception scheduled for that evening. The son of a government official was holding his wedding celebration at their hotel, and the preparations were already underway.

Amala, the hotel's General Manager, was probably busy making sure everything was perfect.

Kendra had barely taken a few steps into the ballroom when something caught his attention.

A woman stood on the other side of the room.

She was looking directly at him.

Kendra stopped.

Everything around him seemed to fade.

The voices.

The music.

The movement of the staff.

For a few seconds, he simply stood there.

Like a statue.

His heart slammed against his chest.

There was no way.

It couldn't be.

Not here.

Not after all these years.

The woman took one small step forward.

Kendra's lips parted.

He knew that face.

He would have known it anywhere.

His first love.

The woman he had once promised himself he would never see again.

"Alissa?"

The name escaped his lips like a secret that had been waiting years to be spoken.