Ch. 21: Community Service

As I enter the Apothecary the morning after my lovely day with my beloved girlfriend, I see Vera losing her shit at Rogue Wave, Kingfisher watching in amusement from the corner, Fritillary cringing as she avoids a crux addict's lewd leering, Highway rubbing his knees on a chair in the waiting room, Solvent holding some guy I don't recognize in a headlock, two EViRT officers I don't know trying to calm the half-alligator cape whose name I forgot, a half-dozen bandaged and bloody Kudzu members, and Catalyst sitting cooly at the intake desk while chatting with Gil.

As soon as I walk in, all heads turn immediately to me, except for the headlocked guy.

"Good morrow..." I say, scanning the room. Who do I trust to give me the most accurate information here?

Before I can start listening to the cacophony of voices, I nod at Catalyst. "Status?"

"Good morning, Beaker. Well, the usual few vigilantes took issue with Kudzu, and it spiraled out of control to the point EViRT was called."

"Who has Solvent grappled, and what is EViRT's presence?"

"EViRT is here because they're dumping some guys before carting them off. I actually have no idea about Solvent. Probably some idiot pulling a weapon." Solvent nods, lifting her foot slightly to reveal a knife.

"I see... EViRT, this is neutral ground. I cannot allow any abductions within this subterranean sanctuary."

One of the officers, a fairly tall and muscular woman sneers at me. Her partner, a grizzled man with a hard demeanor, speaks for her. "We're also here for you. Got a call from a Lacey-"

"Ahh. Very well." At least that proves they're here for me, which is somehow less worrying than if they were here for my patients. "Vera, are there any notable injuries amongst the Kudzu?"

Her eyes burn with rage against Rogue Wave. "Ask my dipshit cousin."

"Dipshit? You're literally working here!" Wave yells back. "You're just as in the shit as I am!"

They go back to arguing, against the will of my eardrums. "Solvent, please escort the knife-brandishing brute and the lecherous layabout oogling Fritillary from the premises." I walk directly into the midst of the chaos.

As Solvent carries away the troublemakers, I look over the remaining people. Six more, all injured to some degree. "Who brought these goons here? Their own conscious footfalls, or EViRT?"

Catalyst thinks for a moment. "Guy with the green earrings and girl with the torn sleeves were escorted in by EViRT, hence the handcuffs. Other four walked in."

"I understand. Fritillary, are any of your party wounded?"

"Just me," she says with a pained grimace. "Not sure if you can do anything about my wings."

I shuffle her away into an exam room, and lock the door behind me. I turn the voice modulator off, and make an 'on with it' gesture. The sooner I see the problem, the better.

Fritillary spreads her bright blue wings with a wince, releasing a little irritating dust that's fortunately filtered by my suit. One of her two forewings has a deep tear close to her shoulder, causing it to sag forward a bit before she tucks the wings away.

left forewing basal tear, empowered human blood + paper + silk + any insect

Interesting. My power only knows as much as I do: if I don't know the terminology for something, my power will call it "unidentified" or use some internal name. Apparently, it's fine with using insect terminology here.

"So..?" she asks, subconsciously braiding her hair. "Usually they can heal on their own, but this one was deep and really close to my skin, and its kind of... numb isn't the right word. Like, I can't really-"

"You're going to be fine. I just need some of your blood."

She nods. "You have a really creepy power. I'm honestly not all that surprised you ended up... well, working for Kingfisher."

"God damn it, I don't- I never- I don't work for him! Damn it! And don't say shit about what Highway has to say either, pretend I have the scariest death glare you've ever seen beneath my mask."

She shrinks into the exam table, wings drooping from more than her injuries. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I can go if you want, I understand."

"What? No, stay, just... look, I make a lot of concessions to help people. One of those concessions is working with Kingfisher and others like him in a limited capacity. I mean, for hell's sake, why would you be here if you actually believed I worked for him?"

She nods slowly.

"Sorry for the lecture, it's stressful straddling the line like I am. Just give me your blood, and any specifics on what the hell happened outside." I take out a syringe from my coat as Fritillary holds out her arm for me.

"Well, we were going to hit Kudzu because of a crux thing, but they brought their- ow!" I poked her a bit harder than I meant to with the needle. "-their cape, the gator guy. Bastard is tough."

"Yeah. Takes bullets like a champ. I worked on him once."

"Wish you didn't, but I get it. Surprisingly long snout, which is how he bit me. I'm not going to get... what's the thing you get from turtles?"

"You don't have salmonella." I say, putting an adhesive bandage over the vein I pulled the blood from. "Also, is your blood usually orange?"

"It's a mix of blood and hemolymph. I have two circulatory systems: an open, and a closed. They kinda mix together near where my wings meet my skin... I don't know how it works."

"Fascinating. Not sure if this will work, though. Can I keep it anyway?" I swish her blood around in the sterile vial. The potion called specifically for blood, and hemolymph is kind of like blood.

"You're really not helping the creepiness factor."

"Please? You never know when something like this will come in handy. Might save a life."

She pushes a few hairs behind her ear, not saying anything. I'm going to assume that's a yes, and take her mix of bloods into my lab. I store it in a small cooler, taking out what remains of Cavalcade's blood for Fritillary's potion. Might need a new donor soon, Barkbite's is almost out too. I put Highway's cure together as well while I'm there, since I can assume that's why he's here.

I return soon after, taking a syringe and hesitating for a moment as I decide where to inject. "So... it usually doesn't matter where I inject so long as it's close, but I'm leaning towards a topical application here. I'm pretty sure my cures work using the circulatory system, which is complicated by the fact you have two. Would that be uncomfortable for you?"

She looks up at me, clearly a little hesitant. "I... it's fine."

I take off the mask, setting it aside on the counter by the sink, and changing my visor to clear. "Better?"

"Yeah." She smiles, tension leaving her shoulders. "Instinctively scared of being eaten, if you can believe it, especially by birds."

"Makes sense. Don't worry, I'm all ape here." I pour the cure onto a clean cloth from an cabinet above the sink, gently applying it along the edges of her delicate wings. Slowly, they start to mend together. The pattern looks a little off, at first, but eventually starts to even out.

"There we go. How's it feel?" I ask, directing her to a mirror.

She looks at it, flapping her wing gently. "Amazing... thank you so much! This is incredible!"

"No problem. By the way, where's the guy with the baby mask? Doesn't he run with you?"

Her face tenses a bit. "Yeah... Whippersnapper decided his talents were better used elsewhere. Up north."

"Please mean Canada."

"Untainted."

"You're fucking with me. Really?"

"We were as surprised as you... Thanks again for helping me, it means a lot. And thanks for helping Highway. He's a grumpy jerk, but he genuinely means well."

"I can relate." I almost walk to the lobby until Fritillary reminds me about my mask, and with a grateful smile I put it back on and return to the cluster of people inside.

Vera has taken to caring for the Kudzu people, now that her shouting match with Rogue Wave ended. I walk over to Highway's seat next, injecting him without a word as he continues to bitch despite Fritillary showing off her wing.

I look over to Felipe, the crocodile shifting Kudzu cape whose name I just remembered, who's back to human form and sulking in the corner with Kingfisher. Good, he's fine.

I blink my voice modulator back on. Finally, back to theatrics.

"Kingfisher, EViRT, houses alike in indignity, have you come to a consensus on who shall be egressing my apothecary in shackles?"

The older EViRT officer doesn't seem amused. "All of them, obviously. They're here, we're here. In fact, everyone here is a criminal, so unless you all want to get taken in, you'll leave us alone."

I loudly slam my cane onto the ground. "You are vagrants, souls unknown to me. As an education, the laws of surface stop upon your descent into my netherworld. These walls hold no power beyond mine own."

The officer doesn't seem amused, immediately clicking the safety off his unique three-magazine rifle.

"Bah. Look around thyself." I point to Fritillary, Rogue Wave, Highway, Felipe, and Solvent. "A venerable bureau of capes, all of whom owe me." I point to Kingfisher, and the assorted injured members who are still very conscious. "A growth of Kudzu within grasping range." I point to the half-dozen cameras around me. "The Back of House, primed to release an untold number of foul miasmas."

Finally, I point to myself. "The physician who holds the scalpel within. You are new unto this fragment of fair Dudek, so I have patience for your position. You stomp the northern grounds, I assume?"

The two officers exchange a look.

"Rest assured, we are not so animalistic in our natures. We hold thrice the danger yet a third of the threat. Indeed, whom do you believe freely gave aid to the recent bombing victims?" I gesture widely to the room.

"Doesn't matter. Don't think we won't call EDR." His grip tightens a bit on his rifle.

"Should you, I implore you to mention The Apothecary and I, the physician Beaker, by our illustrious names. Perhaps it will spare you the embarrassment and myself the wasted minutes."

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see one of the Kudzu injured start to reach for a gun. Before I can even say a word, a splatter of blood stains the wall behind him, as he screams and holds his shoulder.

"Calm yourselves, EViRT." I say, as he raises his gun at Solvent, whose own pistol is smoking. "My guardian has saved your metal-swathed skin, yet you threaten hers?"

He takes a moment to put the pieces together.

"As stated, there is no violence within my house of healing, lest it be inflicting upon you. Correct, Sir Kingfisher of Kudzu?"

"Yeah, my guy deserved that." He nods with mild boredom, before looking at the officers. "EViRT, you brought two here in cuffs. That's all you get."

The officers share a look, before the woman speaks. "You, butterfly girl, biker guy, Rogue Wave. You want to-"

"Go fuck yourself," Wave says.

The older officer gets up with a grunt. "Fine. The rest of you get treated and go. We'll be back for you."

It only takes a few minutes to diagnose and cure the remaining Kudzu members, who leave with the vigilantes, Kingfisher, and Felipe.

Gil, though, stays behind. Maybe to observe the situation? Not important right now.

The younger EViRT officer starts to walk towards me after the others clear out, taking a pair of handcuffs from her belt. "You're being placed under arrest, unknown powered individual going by the alias Beaker."

I cock my head at her. "Have you so easily forgotten the situation? If you attempt to arrest me, you will find yourself disarmed and waiting outside. Worry not, your weapons will be returned to the proper authorities."

She hesitates before taking another step towards me.

migraines, coffee + lavender + water + any feather

"I bargain with you, officer, in exchange for a migraine cure, you will listen to my explanation for Lacey's complaint."

She stops. "How..?"

"I am a physician."

Her partner grimaces and starts walking towards me, too.

improperly healed broken left ankle, iron + mercury + twine + gunpowder

"And for you, good sir, your left ankle never regained full usage after some injury?"

He stops as well. "You're not going to play mind games with us."

I laugh in actual amusement. "Certainly not, I am no mere charlatan. Now, cure first, or my explanation?"

"Handcuffs." The older officer nods to his partner.

"Back of House, please ready gas option three."

A slight clicking comes from the nozzles on the ceiling.

"Lockdown."

Every door slams shut.

The officers are clearly intimidated by the situation, but keep their hands away from their triggers. For now, at least.

"Your precarious teetering should be made more evident now. Listen close, my fellows. Madame Lacey's child was ill with an incurable disease, unresponsive to conventional medicine, while Lacey herself was vehemently opposed to powered individuals such as myself. Twas my guardian's idea to concoct an elaborate scenario to administer the cure. Immoral? Debatable. Villainous? Indeed. Diabolic? Far from."

They share a brief look, but before they can reply, I continue. "We share a common enemy, constables. The northern wretches are a blight. Look around yourself, and see firsthand these words to be true. Solvent, please explain in your own words my distaste of eugenics."

She glares at me. "This is tasteless," she signs.

I hate putting her on the spot like this, and she's right. I don't have a clearer example at the moment, and the EViRT officers look like they're rapidly losing patience. I'll have to come up with a way to make it up to her.

Not to mention, I'm hoping one of them takes the obvious bait. They don't seem like the most considerate of people in the first place, not that I have room to talk.

"I agree, tis tasteless of them."

"Not them. You," Solvent replies.

"I suppose it is tasteless of me as well. I apologize."

She flips me off without breaking her glare.

The younger officer starts to scowl, and points to Solvent. "If you're a healer, then heal your own staff."

Yep. Took the bait. I look around performatively. "Catalyst, are you ill?"

"Nope." He doesn't look up from whatever he's doing.

"Solvent?"

She shakes her head.

"Nurse?"

Vera ignores me from a corner, already back to arguing with Rogue Wave over the phone.

"Back of House?"

A distorted, electronic voice comes over the speakers. "Most systems optimal, all systems within tolerance."

"My fellow," I say, returning my beaked gaze to the woman in front of me, "perhaps you should leave diagnoses to me. If you cannot determine wellness from the contrary, I have little faith in your ability to judge."

Unfortunately, the older officer is undeterred by my self-righteousness. A shame, I figured I could speak their language. "We're not just going to let you get away with this. You broke into a woman's house and terrorized her. You think that's okay?"

"Hardly, hence the disguise. My deescalation attempts are faltering. Perhaps we-" I feel my phone buzz. "A moment, sir and madame." I answer it, ignoring the police. "Beaker of the Apothecary".

"You! What the fuck is going on? Who do you fucking-"

"Ahh, Madame Lacey, fortuitous timing. Shall I put you on speaker with the EViRT agents antagonizing my establishment?" I ask, doing it regardless.

"What?"

"There, it is I, my bodyguard Solvent, my assistant Catalyst, my nurse, two EViRT officers, two gang members handcuffed to chairs within my practice, and finally the Back of House which controls my lair's systems."

"...what the fuck? Why do you have a nurse?"

"The Apothecary, my dear, is a clinic. I assume you are calling about the damage to your doorway?"

"Don't fucking call me 'your dear', I want to know why there's over three thousand dollars in cash on my table!"

"To pay for the doorway and emotional distress, as I stated previously."

"Nice try. I know what's happening here. You think you can buy my silence."

"Feh. If I wished to do that, I would have paid more. You have the air of a... sixty thousand price tag."

"...I've been running through yesterday in my head over and over and I can't figure something out. When the hell would you have had the opportunity to infect Mercedes in the first place?"

"Alas, I have been found out, 'twas a ruse to allow me access to cure your infant daughter."

"And why the fuck would you do that?!"

"I will tell you if you ask these EViRT hooligans to cease harassing me for a moment."

"God damn you. I just figured this out. I asked my brother who you were, and he said he didn't know. So much for a nemesis. You two dipshits didn't get your story straight ahead of time."

"Ahh... err... 'twas a one-sided nemesiship?"

"So your plan was to break into my house with an explosive to cure my daughter?!"

"...incidentally, I had forgotten to take along my bodyguard, who has experience in picking locks."

"This is so fucking stupid. It's too fucking stupid to be anything except fucking cape shit."

"Sir Liron is hardly a cape."

"No, but he works with you creeps all the time! God damn it. This is bullshit. I can't even be angry at you because my baby is better, and I can't be angry at him because he knew I wouldn't have agreed."

"You are welcome to bask in the terror I imbue, I am shadow, I am the lurking plague, I am-"

"You're a fucking lunatic."

"Bah. Speak with whoever this officer may be." I toss the phone towards the woman. Fortunately, that burner doesn't track call records, and also fries itself if it gets more than fifty feet from my mask.

I fold my arms, blinking in a pattern to put myself in contact with Back of House and mute myself to everyone else. "We good with the gas?"

"Soporific gas available, affecting six targets."

"Thanks. Why is it your voice is cute even through the electronic filter?"

"Shut up, I'm trying to sound like an AI!"

"Yeah, like the tweedles here are secretly cracking your covert channels. You don't need to be so anal about concealing your voice."

"Don't you start, Mrs. English Major's 13th Reason."

I have to stop myself from physically laughing, or I'd give away the fact I'm talking with someone. "You're a dork," I say, coinciding with the officer hanging up the phone and looking at me in irritation. I blink back to my regular audio.

"Would you return my telephone, by chance?" I extend my hand.

The officer tosses the phone to her partner, who puts it into a pouch on his belt. "That's evidence now," she says, brow furrowed.

"So long as its pouch is nonflammable, I have no qualms. 'Tis designed to combust if pilfered."

The senior officer grimaces, not sure if he should believe me.

"I believe I possess a sturdy box to contain the flames, should you like."

He sighs, taking the phone from the pouch, tossing it back to me. I completely miss the catch, watching it clatter to the ground. Good thing it's a flip phone.

"Great. Lacey's not pressing charges. Still, reckless endangerment, destruction of property, abuse of empowerments, not to mention whatever we find on your file..."

I pick up the phone and tuck it away in my coat. "So be it. A donation to a policemen's festival, I presume?"

"I have a better idea. Let's call it a work release. Pretty similar to a festival, though."

Gil is smirking. Somehow, I get the feeling I fell into a trap.

I feel very, very threatened in here. I don't have Solvent, for one thing. My potions and cane were removed, for another. I'm not even in my clinic.

What I do have is my costume, my identity, and Cavalcade supervising me. What that means in practice is she's hanging out next to me, occasionally sending selfies with me brooding in the background, all tagged with '#beaker' and '#freehealthcare' and whatever else.

I realized far too late I was being taken for a ride. The vigilante scuffle was a happy coincidence, but those two specific officers being there wasn't chance. Those weren't typical EViRT. Those were the city's EViRT captain and his lieutenant. Who, unbeknownst to me, Bleeding Heart is on speaking terms with.

Zola bided his time, and got his revenge in the most obnoxious and infuriating way possible. They have me running what amount to a reverse blood drive. I'm sitting at a god damn folding table, in the middle of EViRT HQ, helping both EViRT and citizens who were too chicken to just visit my clinic. I'm here for eight hours. Today. Apparently, I'm doing such a good job, there's talk of making this a monthly thing.

Bleeding Heart is making supply runs to and from the Apothecary, where Emily is picking out supplies for me. Vera is actually taking over for the day, Solvent at her back. Catalyst is out scavenger hunting with J7.

I am already exhausted, and I've been here for thirty minutes.

I can't even be upset by it, because in exchange for me costing him over seven million dollars in a lost investment, Zola has me helping the citizens of his territory. From that perspective, he's actually letting me off easy.

"I know you. You're that guy. Used to hang around Hoopsnake Street?" A shorter man with dark, curly hair asks.

"The physician Beaker, at your service."

"So what, you get picked up by EViRT?"

"In a sense."

high cholesterol, beer + crux + tobacco

"Cavalcade, Code C. You, patient, are plagued with an excess of cholesterol. Wait within group B." I direct him to a group of folding chairs, which he meanders off to.

"Another? Yeesh, Beaky, how much did you use on me?" Cavalcade giggles as I send another text to Catalyst.

"A felony's worth, perhaps two. I have never partaken of it in my life, yet my power seems to find it the alkahest." I inspect the next person to arrive. An incredibly smug looking Captain Thol decided to show up even after forcing me here in the first place.

"Yes, yes, I already know yours. Group B."

He laughs. So much more chipper than his persona when we met. "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen. I thought for sure you'd chicken out and show up out of costume or something. You look absolutely ridiculous here."

"So I've been repeatedly informed."

"He's being good, Cavalcade?"

"Well, duh. Oh, by the way, did you know she actually worked on me once?" Cavalcade asks.

"No kidding?"

"Yeah. I have pictures." She scrolls in her phone for a moment, before showing Captain Thol.

He grimaces, nearly gagging, looking incredulously at me. "What the hell..?"

"Yeah," she continues. "I stepped on an IED. Beaker's the best healer in the world, huh?"

Thol looks at me with a little concern, before sitting down in group B.

"Thank you." I say, smirking behind the mask at the captain's thousand yard stare.

"No problem. You're already here against your will, he was just being a dick." She pats me on the back. "I'm glad you're here."

"Does this mean I get to actually pose for the selfies you think I don't see you taking?"

"Wait, would you?!"

Cavalcade 'escorts' me to the back door, where I'm given a certain amount of crux by the captain's lieutenant, coinciding with Catalyst hopping out of J7's car to hand me a lizard egg, while the Bleeding Heart guys hand me a wicker basket of random junk, along with a cute note from Emily saying I'm doing great. This really is a group effort.

I throw the cures together in a dark room off to the side, returning with a large tray of vials, and injecting everyone in Group B, along with the sole person in Group A who needed the lizard egg for diabetes.

I sit back down onto the folding chair behind the desk, holding my masked face in gloved hands.

"Oh my god. It's actually real," Highway says, out of costume. "This is amazing."

I say nothing, Cavalcade glaring at Highway for me.

"Yeesh. You sancties get pissed over nothing. Anyway, came to say sorry. Well, Fritillary made me, gave me a nice long lecture. Apparently you cried to mommy because I said you were working for Kudzu?"

"Cavalcade, I don't know this person. Can you please escort him from the premises?"

unknown infectious plant,

"Genuinely? Another?"

The Investigator frowns. "We have a nemesis thing going on."

"Where might the plant be located, good sir?"

"...well, it's sort of a nemesis to lovers thing."

"Group... good heavens. No group. Lie down, right now." I get up, guiding the person in front of me gently to the floor.

"What? What's wrong?" The older woman asks, looking up in fear.

"Nothing. I am bored, and this was an amusing distraction."

"Are you serious?" She looks over at Cavalcade, who glances at me.

"Twas merely a jest. Regardless, stand not, lest you instantly enter cardiac arrest."

By the time my eight hour session is finished, I'm completely mentally checked out. Cavalcade, though, starts to send some kind of video based social media thing I'm unfamiliar with. She fully grabs me by the arm, pulling me into frame, talking about how we're done for the day. She adds on a "we'll be back again soon, though!" to the end of the video, before putting her phone away. She playfully punches me on the shoulder. "You did great today, Beaky. I'm so proud of you. And thank you for doing this."

"Not being given a choice means this is unworthy of your thanks."

"You made a million choices today. You didn't lie. You saved an old woman's life. You didn't under-diagnose anyone to spare the irritation. You're a good doctor, Beaky. Thanks."

"Your thanks expand ever further, I see. Now, I confess I seek only the embrace of my lover, this day has been exceptionally long."

"...lover?!"

God damn it. "Only a neologism."

"Bullcrap, I have to meet him! Come on, Beaky, don't tease me like this!"

I hold my face in my hands, resting my elbows on the table. "At what point did you believe we were friends to the point where you started abbreviating my moniker and inviting yourself into my private life?"

"At the point when I said we were. Come on, what's he like?!"

Actually... this does have an advantage. "How much blood is this worth to you?"

"Freaking all of it!"

Cavalcade bounces a bit in the back seat of the car. J7 picked us both up, and keeps glancing back at the excited hero sitting in his car. As soon as he parks, he opens the door for Cavalcade, glaring at her. She barely acknowledges him as she gets out, following me down into the Apothecary. She looks around in amazement as we walk past my mercenaries, and into the room. Her eyes focus on the slogan above Catalyst's head.

"Do some harm? That's so you, Beaky! Barkbite never mentioned that!"

A fist flies in her direction, but instantly she's four people. The fist connects with one of them, but phases through it like a hologram. Cavalcade barely acknowledges the attack, recombining her various copies back into herself. I thought it would be easy to track which one was her, but maybe there was some kind of limited teleportation involved that made her move away from where she was? It was disorienting.

Solvent got the picture instantly, grabbing the guy who threw the punch, almost slamming him facefirst into the edge of the counter before realizing Cavalcade was watching us. She awkwardly dropped him onto the edge of the counter instead, making Cavalcade cover her mouth to avoid laughing.

I look off towards one of the hidden cameras. "Back of House, I bring a guest."

The warped voice plays over the speakers. "Acknowledged."

Cavalcade gives me a side-eye. "Is that an AI? Wait, Beaky, are you dating an-"

"No."

I lead her into the decontamination chamber, which she takes in stride, even opening up her tight fitting costume a bit to let the gases in.

Once the door opens, I excuse myself and change into sweatpants and a tee. The same thing I always wear around the house. Once I'm back, Cavalcade pokes her head inside the living room. "Hello! I'm Tiffany! I'm a friend of Vivian's! She said she had a boyfriend and I'm excited to meet him!"

The distorted voice plays in the house now. That's fair, I think, this could be a trap. "Acknowledged. I am Back Of House."

"Em, this is Cavalcade. Remember? The one who was really messed up? She's good."

"Ohhhh," the distorted voice says. There's a short clunking sound as the security room door opens, and Emily steps out with a stretch.

Cavalcade looks at her in a second of confusion, before back to my goofy blushing smile, and then to Emily's outstretched hand.

"Cavalcade. I'm Emily, or 'Back of House' for cape stuff. Also, Vivian's girlfr-"

"OH I AM SO SORRY FOR ASSUMING." Cavalcade half-shouts, very apologetically shaking Emily's hand while looking at me. "I don't- I didn't- I'm sorry-" She takes a few quick breaths. "Your girlfriend is beautiful and you are very lucky, Vivian!"

Emily closes her eyes, shaking her head in amusement as she leans against the living room wall. "You have the dispower that makes you hungry, right?"

"Huh? Oh! Yeah. That's me."

"I'll start cooking something. Least I can do for one of the few good influences my girlfriend has."

"Thaaaanks love," I drawl, pressing our foreheads together. It's as intimate a gesture as we've found, and it's so uniquely ours that it's just as fulfilling as any kiss would be. At least, for me.

She gives the hero in our house a parting look before going to the kitchen.

"Okay. If you want to try my girlfriend's delicious sterilized food, I'm gonna need that blood first."

She enthusiastically holds her arm out, as if I'm going to start drawing her blood right there. I wonder how much of her ditziness is the dispower making her hyper, how much is an act, and how much is genuinely her.

Regardless, I know she's not faking the friendliness. If she was, she would have said something before learning I could help her. Still, she kept up as much positivity as she could, even when she assumed her life was over.

She's an actually selfless person. An actual hero. Maybe the only one.